Rexx's profile
AGE:
40
LOC: Canada
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 18
LOC: Canada
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 18
I use magic.
Items
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
I will hold open every door for you. I will hold it open and you'll notice. and you'll notice that it's every time. and you'll think that it's cute. and then you'll think that it's flattering. and then you'll think it's annoying. but, in the end, it'll be what you love me for. At least, that's what I want to believe. But it doesn't really matter. For if it doesn't happen, I'll have held open every door for you.
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
The old man held his pose, held his breath and counted. ... 230... 231... The metronome made sure that he did not cheat. Regardless, he was not going to beat his record. He would not have time. Boots rang through the halls. Lots of boots - that meant him. He lay back and let his body relax. If Diamond had failed, well, then all was lost. He wondered what an execution was like. The door opens and in walks Jake. "Out of your Jammies and get ready for your Suit", he exclaims. "Jammies," thought ...
Version 1
4 Reviews
2 Comments
There are doctors - there are priests... and then there's all that are beneath There are governments and spies and there's all their fucking lies There is glamour – there is gloss There is penice - there is cost We've been here – we that know we live here – the down below There is heartache – there is loss there is all that has been lost. There is laughter and relief we live here - those beneath. War is coming don't ya know? We'll be fighting – the down below As you crush me with your machine...
Version 2
1 Review
0 Comments
Dirty Blue Pearl. Imperfect Black Night. The Earth from Space.
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
Two days ago, while walking home, I realized I was perfectly centered. I wasn't hungry. I wasn't thirsty. I wasn't cold. I wasn't hot. I wasn't nauseous. I wasn't sore. I wasn't sleepy. I wasn't tired. I wasn't overly excited. I wasn't late. I didn't not care and I wasn't obsessed. I was interested. I was eager. I was looking forward to something. I didn't have a headache or a back ache or sore feet. I'd had everything that I had needed. I didn't have an uncomfortable load. I wasn't worried. ...
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Reviews
the AABB rhyme feels a bit forced. The poem feels like it wants to be freer (more free?) You might consider structuring the poem as a tale being told by a wise one around a campfire sort of thing.
b/c you've chosen a ABAB rhyming scheme meter becomes very important. Your sentences seem "wordy" and throw off the rhythm like your telling a story not reciting a poem. e.g. The smile she casts, white as new falling snow <- 11 beats She casts a smiles as white as snow <- 8 beats
really nice flow. almost too nice. the words seems to flow through my mind too quickly not leaving an impression. I had to read the poem a couple of times to get a feeling for what the poem was about. I didn't notice you referred back to the candle for a couple of reads. who is looking at this candle? Is the candle burning alone? Why was it lit? who is it waiting for? what adventures does the light want to see?
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