I see this so clearly in my head, almost like a movie. Your descriptions, your character's inner monologue, everything is done with a remarkable amount of precision. I'm not sure how many drfts you've done, but either way I think you've done a great job at getting to the heart of the story. I will admit to being confused at first by the numbers. I see that you want to transition to diffferent scenes, but I think a more descriptive manner (place, emotion, etc) would serve you better. You have ...

I'll give you credit if you were shooting for absurd and controversial. Problem to me was that you didn't have much there aside from that. Let's leave aside that being funny about 9/11 is not actually pie in the face territory. The concept is something that could be worked with, but to be successful, I think you need these two to be more like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, whereby they are not quite so aware of what they are creating. And the Oliver Stone ending seems a bit much. It would make...

Interesting beginnning to something. What do you wish this piece to become. Is this part of a larger memoir? Right now you have an interesting introduction to a character, but not much more than that. I'd love to see this set within a larger context. Best of luck!

This is a very good start. And don't sell yourself short on character development, as I can definitely see how the reflection changes the narrator. I think it functions excellently as a short piece, though I would try to 'grab' your reader a bit more at the start, possibly by losing or adapting the first paragraph. Also, and this is minor, and probably just me, but your language seems out of place at one point, when you say 'bid her join me.' It seems far more sophisticated than I assume your...

Seems like a nice introduction to a character. Is this meant for more or were you merely trying to vent out some inner feelings. If you wanted to explore this further, I'd suggest going back working on the flow. You have quite a few run on thoughts and while I'm the first person to break teh rules as far as that goes, some of your thoughts tend to blur as they continue on. I doubt you cared, so I don't need to point them out, I'm sure you'll see. I'd also love some more in-depth details, not ...

Very fun. I hear more of a song in it than a poem. Seems like something you could jam to.

Very clever and witty. I like playful pieces that incorporate a sense of the irony of language. I'm not sure what you intend to do with this piece, but I think it exists very well in its simplest form. Best of luck...

Although this piece was a bit rambling, I found myself laughing the whole time. I really enjoyed your humor on the topic. Very creative! It did seem a bit one-sided, which is fine, though I would have enjoyed your humorous take on the 'exceptions' to this rule...if you have experience with any.

Can't do a better job grabbing people's (ahem guys most likely) attention than with a subject like Boobs. Of course, once I got reading it wasn't what I had bargained for :) Right off the bat our writing was very funny and held me in close, asking for more. But you did lose me at "Ladies..." and not because I am a guy. I didn't feel like this entry called out for a dialogue with the audience, rather I enjoyed it most as your recollections, and shared experiences. A nice read altogether though...

I never felt as if the punctuation affected me, or effected the piece, in any way. Overall I felt that the piece was very touching, though the second stanza stands out as something that doesn't seem to fit the rest of the puzzle to me. It is as if you came out softly, roared, then returned meekly. Perhaps it is simply too much emotion in such a short piece, or perhaps you might like to extend this, and flesh out more of your feelings. A very nice start, but seeking more story in my opinion.