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Robyn's profile

Robyn avatar
AGE: 20
LOC: Round Rock, TX
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: February 04

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Action Adventure / Untitled Historical Fiction
Version 1
2 Reviews   0 Comments
The light from the candles lining the cold stone room flickered in the breeze as it danced through the open windows. The king’s dark hazel eyes jumped from his lap up to the light, startled by its sudden movement. He’d been sitting in his chair for several hours now, standing only to pace across his pelt-covered floor. Confined to his study… how nerve-racking. He wanted to be there with his wife in the opposite wing of the castle, standing by her side, holding her hand as s...
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Novel Treatments / The Vision
Version 2
2 Reviews   1 Comment
I shivered in the darkness as the cold night air bit at my skin. Vaughn and I were sitting on the roof of his house, watching the night sky as the stars each began to show their faces. I regarded Vaughn with a dull curiosity as he stretched his long fingers, pressing the tips of them into the sandpaper-rough shingles. The silence between us seemed unnatural as we solemnly sat on the rooftop. Something inside of me seemed to be warning me that my life was about to change for good. “Vaughn?” I ...
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Novel Treatments / The Vision
Version 1
3 Reviews   0 Comments
I shivered in the darkness as the cold night air bit at my skin. Vaughn and I were sitting on the roof of his house, watching the night sky as the stars each began to show their faces. I regarded Vaughn with a dull curiosity as he stretched his long fingers, pressing the tips of his fingers into the rough sandpaper shingles. The silence between us seemed unnatural as we solemnly sat on the rooftop. Something inside of me seemed to be warning me that my life was about the change for good. "Vau...
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Novel Treatments / Prologue
Version 3
2 Reviews   0 Comments
A scarlet sports car streaked into a saturated parking lot, the wheels slipping across the grimy puddles, water spewing up from the pavement. The car skidded to a stop across two parking places, the engine abruptly silenced. The driver’s side door swung open and Tristan stepped from the car, clasping a bouquet of a dozen red roses in his hand. He was dressed in dark-washed denim jeans ad a blue-striped polo shirt, a black trench coat shielding him from the elements. He stood nearly six-feet i...
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Novel Treatments / Prologue
Version 2
1 Review   0 Comments
Rain streamed from the gutters of the apartment complex to the ground below, battering the sidewalk with its endless onslaught. Water rushed down the stone siding of the building, draining into what had previously been a flower garden, but now was merely a puddle of muck and mud. The rain had been falling for nearly three days and showed no sign of relenting. A scarlet sports car streaked into the saturated parking lot, the wheels slipping across the grimy puddles, water spewing up from the p...
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Reviews
Wow, this was amazing. I loved the raw emotion that you clearly invested into the construction of this piece. The disillusionment and depression is clear through your tone and your imagery. I was particularly impressed by the metaphor of you and the phases of the moon. Great job and keep it up!
Short Story / Cracked the Sky
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Action Adventure / Arctic (revision3)
"Sergeant Joe Hudson and his eight man Special Ops team head" To me, are heading sounds better than head. That is personal preference though. "Susan Buford through the rear compartments’ headset Joe was wearing". This sentence is awkward. I would reword it to convey your meaning without such clutter. "Joe dives out". Of what? I assume the plane, but a reader shouldn't have to assume that sort of thing. "and they quickly recover and". Don't overuse and. I would change the first and to a comma....
Flash Fiction / The Hangover
Wow, shock factor! I do have to say that is not what I was expecting at all. While reading this, only one thing really bothered me grammatically. In the second paragraph, you switched from past tense to present tense. It was distracting to me, but I could also see how a shift in tense could be used for emphasis.
Screenplay / Modern Romance
Hmmm, I can't really tell what I think of this. I mean, I could definitely see it being a movie, perhaps not one that I would watch, but all the same... I was highly distracted bu the vulgar language used here. There are thousands of other ways for you to express yourself that make you sound more sophisticated and mature.
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