Schyler's profile

Overall this piece is very good. The characters relationship, in my opinion, develops too quickly. You should probably describe what Daemyn looks like and what his sister looks like so a reader could get the image of what's happening.

this piece is interesting. i think u should be just a little bit clear on how the government works and how hostiles came about in the place. Describe what Jett looks like and where they live. This is a good start though.

overall it was pretty awesome, but try to be more specific in your scenes. i think everything happened a little too fast and you should probably slow things down. since you ended with the fifth scene the reader should get a glimpse of the mother's, father's, and harry's personality. you got few spelling mistakes ..and...hm....oh! you should also describe the characters expression like, for example....: Danny: (speaking with excitement) Yeah! Fantastic! Never know, we might even lose it! Dougi...

it think your going somewhere with this, but just try to use different wording and phrases since i noticed that you used "had not..." a few times and it started to get annoying. The clarity overall was good i mean since it's a prologue i guess you're not supposed to be very clear and only give the reader the interest of reading more.

i found it very interesting. although u should have emri spazz out a little more when she sees her brother i mean i think i know i wouldve like screamed at the top of my lungs if that happened to my brother. you have a chance of attracting an agent i think. and another thing, i know urbis doesnt have the best format and all but you should try to make the dialogue into different paragraphs for every different charchter that speaks. an agent might like the fact that you know your formats and gr...