Sean_Allen's profile
AGE:
22
LOC: Berkeley, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 07
LOC: Berkeley, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 07
Just a guy going to UC Berkeley.
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Version 1
0 Reviews
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Is your love as vast as mine? I don't know... I don't know. When you hide it in the dark is it diminished? Does it glow? When you drop it in the river does it sink or does it flow? When you plant it in the ground does it fester or does it grow? Is your love the same as mine? Oh how I hope it isn't so.
Version 2
2 Reviews
0 Comments
A hollowed out man, a used up hulk, has a shared trait with all his peers; they are nothing now, nothing but the sum of all their fears. A tired old man, eyes frightfully glazed, looks out from under the hat he holds so dear. He owns nothing else now, nothing except the sum of all his fears. Fighting for God, for hatred, for love, for me, for truth, for life, for all those yesteryears. No one is left now, all that is left is the sum of all their fears. Gather yourself a soldier, a king, an...
Version 8
45 Reviews
31 Comments
Sicarii Academy’s brief winter vacation now over, the spring term had begun. The new student rankings were to be posted the following day, but Evangeline wasn’t one to wait for that sort of information—student rankings were one of the most important statistics used to determine future job acquisitions and thus were taken very seriously by all the students at the Academy. Most other students, however, were at least slightly more capable of controlling themselves when it came to the matter tha...
Version 7
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Sicarii Academy’s brief winter vacation now over, the spring term had begun. The new student rankings were to be posted the following day, but Evangeline wasn’t one to wait for that sort of information—student rankings were one of the most important statistics used to determine future job acquisitions and thus were taken very seriously by all the students at the Academy. Most other students, however, were at least slightly more capable of controlling themselves when it came to the matter tha...
Version 6
19 Reviews
20 Comments
Sicarii Academy’s brief winter vacation now over, the spring term had begun. The new student rankings were to be posted the following day, but Evangeline wasn’t one to wait for that sort of information. One of the most important statistics used to determine future job acquisitions, rankings were taken seriously by all the students at the Academy; most were just more capable of controlling themselves. With a bit of cajoling, she convinced Tancho and Eric to join her on a high-stakes trip into...
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Reviews
"As I, Burn into American highways’" Is the comma necessary after 'I'? Grammatically, I can't see any reason for it. I really liked the poem. It had a definite flow to it, and though certain lines seemed to long visually, they had enough internal rhythmic breaks that they could flow fine when spoken. In the third stanza I feel like you need to hypenate the phrases in the 2nd line.
"Everything, everything happened in the past." I think this is sort of a weak line. I mean, if something happened, then of course it happened in the past... there is no way for things to 'happened' in the future. I don't think it really adds anything significant to the song. You spelled 'completely' wrong, and in the chorus 'breath' should be 'breathe', and 'astray' is one word. There's another place where you put breath instead of breathe too. Also, the line "they never last." is a bit weak ...
"And I didn’t what you wanted me to say." The sentence is missing a 'know' somewhere in there. Plenty of people I know suffered/suffer from substance abuse, and it's pretty tough. No one I care for romantically ever has, though, and that must be tougher. The parts of the journal entry that I can relate to the most involve the romance stuff, not the substance abuse. I'd have to say that most of the things you're describing sound an awful lot like high school to me, due to what I consider to be...
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