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Seasdaday's profile
AGE:
35
LOC: Saint Louis, MO
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 24
LOC: Saint Louis, MO
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 24
I am just an aspiring writer who wants to be the best i can be. My friends have read a lot of my writing and have always given my rave reviews. But when it comes to my writing I am very critical of it. I hope that strangers will give me their honest feed back.
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Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
An Interview with love I met the little minx when I was four and twenty years of age. Times where different then. The war had jest ended months before and the future was uncertain for everyone. Many of us had returned to our small home towns only as resting points to our final destination, the city. It would be there that we knew our lives would begin. After staying only a few weeks I left the town that raised me. I headed north to Saint Louis. In only a few days I was able to obtain work at ...
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Version 1
5 Reviews
1 Comment
I can’t believe we actually did that! By J. M. Heller Dedication: This is for my friends and family who always told me I should write. This one’s for you, Jake, Gabe and Drew. Remember you can do and be whatever you want to. As the years pass us by and we remember all we have done, or wanted to do, or failed to do, we can see how everything has helped make us who we are. Without these experiences we would not be the same. Whether you want to believe this or not it does hold true, “Life is to ...
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I found this piece to be a sweet story. However the story was a little on the slow pace. Give the characters a little more depth and so they feel real. Something just feels like it's missing, maybe like you were holding back a little. For some deep insight into writing and to get some really good pointers, I suggest you read "Writing Down the Bones" by Natalie Goldberg.
"But I only smelled the scent of life." Nice finish. I like the way you described everything around you. one could close their eyes and envision what you saw. Hold on to that in your writing but be aware that to much description can lose your audience's attention. Never stop looking and watching everything and everyone around you.
I like the thought behind the story. It is very nice. However i would like to point out the the use of commas is a bit excessive. In doing so it makes the story a little hard to read. Cut them down and make sentences and i think you and other readers will be pleasantly surprised. You could also type it up in a word document and then paste to put it on the board. Doing so will help you restructure.
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