Seian's profile
AGE:
44
LOC: Australia
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: January 19
LOC: Australia
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: January 19
Say hi @
badseeed65@hotmail.com
Items
Version 1
4 Reviews
0 Comments
Will you take my hand and jump off the train with me ever again? The bridge is already buckling beneath our feet. Charcoal sketches of fading lives adorn her aching struts. Outdoor tables Kleines Café. Two monks meander by, along the cobblestone strasse at the edges of the lamp-lit square. Is God in the spaces? The palm-reader takes my hand in hers. She looks out from under ruby scarves, regards me through her straggly long hair. She takes one look at my hand, then gets up and shuffles away…...
Version 1
10 Reviews
4 Comments
The afternoon drifts away on the back of Morrissey's black-vinyl vocals. Two moths circle the bedroom light; the ceiling paint is peeling back the lives of those who lived here before. Jack can almost see the sounds swirl round and around Annie's room – bottle-green ribbons of guitar and ice-blue streams of song. The moths. The music. Jack and Annie. Side by side. And the carpet beneath their backs feels as soft as vanilla ice-cream in Spring. But it's late Winter outside the bedroom door; o...
Version 1
9 Reviews
2 Comments
Sweat stings my already swollen eyes. The moon appears like a hole burnt through a death shroud - blinding. And the smell . . . it's acrid, like dense plumes from a funeral pyre of polystyrene souls; almost unbreathable, it sears my nasal passages - like paint stripper coating my throat, ignited anew with every desperate gasp. The slap of my bare feet running through the rain-soaked car park echo into the urban night. The showers have stopped and I can hear sounds of a party --or perhaps a p...
Version 1
5 Reviews
0 Comments
The race track baked in the early afternoon heat; dust dogged the air. And yet Tony Patrelli didn’t mind one bit. He was knife-edge confident that the conditions would be too tough for the big grey to last the fourteen hundred metres without dying in the final deuce. Sure, Baldazaar was good horse flesh, strong; the sharp black markings on the grey sheen of her coat gave her an elegance not common to most grey mares. Over the past eight months her Melbourne-based owners would have been deligh...
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Reviews
Hi, Okay for the fist page... You have an excellent grasp of language for description. Here's just a few thoughts:- "Dopamine overloaded each synapse inducing hysterical bliss." I get that you're breaking down something that happened in a moment into smaller, slowed down pieces and yuo do it quite well. But this phrase was too hmmm... formal, perhaps and jerked me out of the flow. "The neon lights of the kebab house separated." This is the first indication of setting and I found myself distra...
I normally review short stories but wanted to have a look at a blog or two. There are a couple of spelling errors, like "scissors" you may want to fix, but i really don't know how vital that is to blogging. I guess I can really only review your piece by how it affected me. I was left wondering what was the event or events that led to you self-harming originally. I thought you had guts for working out your own strategy to stop the practise. And I felt sad that you needed to alleviate your pain...
"He looks as though he is in his twenties, yet something about him suggests he is older and is blessed with young looks." *"and is blessed with young looks" is repetition and actually lessens the strength of the sentence. Jean's dialogue is excellent for two reasons: he has the formality of someone whose first language isn't English yet who speaks it extremely well; the crafting of the ideas with interspersions of "do you agree?" or mini-dgressions like when he explains he means men anw women...
For such a sort piece this is intriging. *I'm not sure why you spaced out the text. Particularly when the sentences flow from one another e.g. "One evening, a priest approached her, waving an unlit candle menacingly. “Let’s play Marco Polo with our souls,” he said." The distance detracts from the experience just a little. * "She ran home, tripping over dead cats and dimming streetlights, ran past her mother (who was knitting in the corner) and locked herself in the bathroom." I'm sure you did...
Eight years - firstly let me say I am sorry that this is based on a reality in your life. I have no idea of the anguish you must have endured. Thank you for the opportunity to firstly read it and then review. "Although she could still flick a foot or her shoulder in a “go away” manner, reminding us not to let our own needs take us over … and that she still had a mind of her own, even though the strength was leaving her body." *Ellipsis is unecessary *Even though I get what you're saying, the ...
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