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Serendipity32's profile
AGE:
77
LOC: Leesport, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 15
LOC: Leesport, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 15
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Version 2
16 Reviews
2 Comments
Joan Didion's memoir, "The Year of Magical Thinking" was on the top of my Christmas list that year. A recounting of what she experienced , psychologically and emotionally, in the year following her husband's death, it was right up my alley. I've always been interested in knowing how people cope, or don't, when life throws lightning bolts their way. But how could I have known, as I absorbed the pain she so eloquently described, that within a few short months I, too, would be shaken to my very...
Version 1
10 Reviews
10 Comments
Joan Didion's memoir, "A Year of Magical Thinking" was on the top of my Christmas list that year. A recounting of what she experienced , psychologically and emotionally, in the year following her husband's death, it was right up my alley. I've always been interested in knowing how people cope, or don't, when life throws lightning bolts their way. But how could I have known, as I absorbed the pain she so eloquently described, that within a few short months I, too, would be shaken to my very f...
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I really like the way you try to look at your relationship as a kind of perverted stability. It's convincing, because when we love without reservation, we tend to rationalize the ups and downs and the negative signals so that we don't have to face the "unface-able." What I'd like to see you do in the last line is come back to that "stability" theme. I'm not going to suggest how except to say that I see a way suggested by the previous three lines. But you may come up with anothr way. It's your...
Your piece has a great deal of potential. For the most part you use lanuage and images very effectively...just a few exceptions. I would suggest that perhaps the word "dismay" is more what you mean when you use the word "discord" to refer to your stepsister's reaction. And in the last paragraph I become confused between the, at one point, heavy invisible lense, and at another point, its incalculable weightlessness. I feel what you're getting at, but you need to work on that paragraph to bring...
The intent in your piece is commendable and is certainly worthy of development. I'd like to read more about specific thoughts about your understanding of life and exactly what you mean by conscious knowledge. To the extent that you explain these general concepts in concrete examples you will help others.
First off, please simplify the list of ratings; you have far too many and it's off-putting to this reviewer, and, I suspect to others as well. I did it originally when I first went on Urbis and was told about it by several reviewers. Your piece is poignant, and it should be developed. I don't know why you think it's not a poem. To me it is very clearly a poem, least of all for your having written it in a poetic form. The images and expression of ideas is poetic, and the subject lends itself t...
Some wonderful images here....wasted plum dreams...partners in lead lederhosen...moonbeams being replaced by slugs...high mountain reveries fermenting. Very original images. GOOD JOB!!!
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