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ShotokanZanshin's profile
AGE:
24
LOC: Ireland
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 22
LOC: Ireland
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 22
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Version 1
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The hourglass figure cries hands tenuously draped Mirror cracked bloodied Shards tear emotion Dress tarred and feathered How could that possibly fit? Grabs nearby vodka bottle Downs half then breaks down. Razor blade on shabby face Man looking at what? What have i become? Throws razor at nearby wall Skin crimson hairs bristling Sits on edge of the bath refuses to clean up image Razor rusts in the corner. Throwing stones in a pond Youth not gone wild Alone outsider a rebel? Ducks ignore boy's ...
Version 1
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The deepened wound bleeds endlessly The skin pale and infected Eyes swell from bruising Amidst the amalgam of tissue and weeping. Tears would fall but pain numbs emotion Would it make any difference? The cry for attention escalates As I lie in wait for salvation to arrive. Salvation is late and pleas remain unheard Pain cannot cry enough Isolated in my own crime scene My guardian angel must be on mid term break. Streams of traffic constantly pass by Out of sight out of mind Eyes see what they...
Version 2
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Manic depression and self-induced hysteria, Mental anxiety and inner contamination, Thoughts rebelling against conformity of normality, Metamorphosis to schizophrenic within seconds. Eyes open jostling up and down, Like some wide awake REM gone wrong, Images blur and movement runs anticlockwise, Hands constantly fidgeting breaking the skin. Relishing at the thought of some blood, Then panicking at the very sight of it, Running outside waving hands frantically, Finally stopped by the front of ...
Version 2
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Malcontent Fire blazes in their eyes Flames of dissatisfaction Anarchy lingers. Burning effigies Dictator up in ashes Coup d'é-tat begins. Protesters wave flags Their vitriol amplified Anarchy heightened. Armies are unleashed Resistance leads offensive Bloodshed only thing won.
Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
Malcontent Fire blazes in their eyes Flames of dissatisfaction Anarchy lingers. Burning effigies Dictator up in ashes Coup d'é-tat begins. Protesters wave flags Their vitriol amplified Anarchy heightened. Armies are unleashed Resistance leads offensive Bloodshed only thing won.
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Reviews
Hi this isn't bad, it does convey a realm that water immerses. Very psychedelic, reminds me of Waterfall by Hendrix.
This is an excellent piece and i love the free flowing style- the weary traveller. It displays plenty of emotion and good writing technique. Paddy.
Im not a much of a critic when it comes to Haikus but i get the poems message without too much difficulty. Finding the right words in Haikus is not easy but i think you chose the right ones. Paddy.
Is Glenis a particular place? you have created an emotive piece and i can imagine your journey.good write. Paddy.
This i feel you could develop further with a bit more detail- expand on your initial premise and engage with the reader more. Paddy.
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