Silic0Ns0uL's profile

Silic0Ns0uL avatar
AGE: 27
LOC: Berkeley, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 08

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Poetry / Fast Car
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
fast car, top down, moving in ellipticals. bright stars, cool wind, flying down this open road. the lane dividers, quickly changing into lengthy blurs. your breathing quickens. secretly, i'm reassured. suddenly, i feel you looking at me. i know i'm not what you've been looking for. but if only this dream could last forever, you and me and this moment bound here together.
Short Story / January 6, 2003
Version 1
14 Reviews   2 Comments
Slow jazz drifted lazily through an otherwise quiet room. The room was dark, a stark contrast to the bright afternoon sun that strove to penetrate the window. A slight breeze ruffled the partially opened curtains, causing a pattern of shadows to swirl on the table beneath it. It was warm, almost uncomfortably so. Some bastard had decided to save a few cents by leaving the air conditioning off. He loosened his tie. He could feel the pressure release as the collar peeled itself away from his n...
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Poetry / Baby Girl
Version 1
17 Reviews   0 Comments
She dreams a surreal dream Of lavender and green And something that's more stable. She's ironed out the folds And now she's working on the wrinkles. I can see she's going to be The woman that she is meant to be. It's so wonderful being here Watching her sleep so peacefully.
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Crime, Thrillers & Mystery / untitled01
Version 3
15 Reviews   0 Comments
An upheaval that I was not present for. A fractured landscape. Ashen skies with quickly approaching clouds ringed in violent orange hues. I blink my eyes, trying to resolve the jagged spires in the distance. A fresh scar runs deeply through the tormented earth. Twisted metal rails protrude from the rock. Train cars lay strewn across the barren ground like broken pottery. The bitter taste of metal, and the smell of ozone brings me to my knees. Where are all the bodies? There should be bodies. ...
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Poetry / Destination
Spelling: 'asphalt' I feel that the mood is not quite reflected in the writing style. Half the stanzas emphasize the monotony of a long travel while the other half emphasizes the perception of the immediate surroundings. There are also several instances where the end of the verse doesn't follow logically from the beginning. Stuff that bothered me was: -"terrified travelers" (why? speed? 80mph) yet "stare blankly" and "leaking disappointment." -starts with "driving demands my undivided attenti...
Overall, I feel that the attempt to anthropomorphize the pebble doesn't work in this piece because there is nothing ascribed to it that makes it unique or deserving of the attention. The first stanza is a great set up, but the rest of the poem never follows through. How does the pebble's emotions fit into its journey down the river? What makes the child decide to pick this pebble? What is the relationship between the pebble and the river? Is the child simply an observer? If not, the child nee...
Short Story / Clay
Writing is strong with good sentence structure, imagery, logical progression, and appropriate paragraph breaks. Cannot comment on content since I am biased against writing that pushes an agenda in the guise of a story.
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