Honestly? ...I think it's cliche. While Very true, it's already been said in many many different ways. It's good, but it's not fresh.

Sorry but I have to mention an error, "it cannot be defines" probably should be "defined". It's a decent quote...true enough, but a little wordy for my taste. Just my personal opinion.

Good twist! I did notice some mistakes though. "That I should never had bought that gun" probably should be, "That I never should have bought that gun," or alternately, "That I should never have bought that gun." In the line, "And wandered why I had wanted to die," wandered should be spelled wondered. All in all these are pretty decent lyrics. You've got good structure, the rhyming works well, and most importantly what you're saying makes sense. Good job.

Beautiful imagery. I love how you describe everything in such detail, "The big leaves turn pale and begin to curl inwardly…pitifully." Not only do you give a clear picture but clear emotion as well. I did notice a couple small errors though...likely typos. In the line, "their massive stalks becomes frail" drop the s off of becomes. In the line, "Still, there are others will swear" I think it should be "Still, there are others that will swear." That could just be me though... Good job.

I think this would really benifit from more structure. Currently I find it difficult to read and difficult to see as a song. Perhaps if you separated the lines and verses a little more carefully it would flow better, as it stands it seems a lot more like a poem to me. The line, "Thinking that eventually and history could be influenced by suffering" confuses me a bit. Are you saying that both the future and the past can be influenced? It is quite an interresting line.

I can't quite tell if this is a comment on consumerism or just an overtly sexual rap song. I think it would assist ease of reading if you didn't use short hand such as, "that Versace ws callin'" "was" isn't that much longer to type out.

Although your point is clear I'm just not feeling it for some reason. Maybe it's just my personal opinion but I think you went about saying what you wanted to say a little too directly...perhaps if you incorporated the use of metaphore? I think this is a really good start to something, it just doesn't feel done to me.

I love it! I haven't seen such a witty quote in a while, excellent work. This would make an awesome one frame comic. A lot of people could definately relate to this.

This is a pretty good start, I absolutely love the last two lines. The rhyming does seem a little forced though, especially in the chorus. "If you won't debate I'll prove to you it can be great." What is the "it"? I'm a fan of vagueness but it seems to me like some of the words that were chosen are just there for the sake of making the ryme scheme work. "A spark glistens in her cold wet ashes" is an amazing line, but I feel like the line after it just sucks the imagery and emotion right out o...

Wow. Powerful words, especially as a memoir. Really makes me wonder what kind of life you've led. This is great because it actually makes you think, wonder, dream up little stories about what could have happened. It's different, good job.