SkyeRayven's profile
AGE:
16
LOC: Arvada, CO
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 19
LOC: Arvada, CO
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 19
November 16, 2009:
I write every day and post on urbis multiple times a month. My goal is to create a news article porfolio on research I find. I also have a goal to write a small novel.(current collection of all stories).
I love imagery and personification and use it a lot of poetry and have a poetic voice, or at least I’ve been told. I am pretty good at reviewing and editing work and I take great pride in that. Hope everyone has a great day, and send me a message sometime. =]
Items
Version 1
1 Review
2 Comments
Why is it I'm reading life's book, and I'm always one hundred and twenty three pages ahead of everyone else?
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Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
The ink spills to the page, Leaking past the edges. The stain, a blood, An engulfing sickness. The disease spreads just like wild fire. To scorch, and bring forth passion anew. Leaving ash, Leaving thought. Unearthing from the dust… A beautiful wing. A freedom claw, tearing the barriers! A screeching call of brief pride! An acid tear of redemption. Soaring high above in the emptiness of sky. Sacrificing dream and myth, Only a figment of imagination. The immorality, shrouded beneath th...
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Version 2
3 Reviews
2 Comments
The beauty lying, deep with your heart. All too dearly, I don't want to part.
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Version 1
1 Review
2 Comments
The beauty that lies, deep with your heart. All too dearly, I didn't want to part.
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Reviews
Not bad, I think this could be turned into a really great piece if you added some other rhetorical device other than repition, like imagery. "Someday I'll wake up and realize I'm not as young as I used to be....with eyes sunken from too much work and clothes too small to fit..."Etc Or more detail in itself. most of all, I think some ryhming would sound relaly good.
You have great imagery in your writing, but this piece is rough to read, Not hard to read, just a little difficult. I think adding more punctuation can be helpful. Also, I think this poem has more substance without the last two lines. Keep up the great writing and give me some more imagery in your other writings, it is very strong. Make it unique and it will stand out a lot. -skye
I really like this. This piece holds substance and has an even balance of intellegent word choice and imagery. Mytare-I don't know what this word means or even if it is a typo, however, I like it in here regardless. Second stanza is amazing. I prefer poetry with punctuation but this piece truelly doesn't need it because it is easy to read and appealing. Great work. -Skye
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