Snurp's profile

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AGE: 27
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: January 05
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Items
Short Story / Adams cry.
Version 10
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A firm tap on the window raised everyone’s heart rate, disturbing the contrived mood inside the car. The sun had been out of sight for a few hours; with the late October evenings feeling cold, damp, bleak and soulless. As Adam exhaled the cannabis smoke, he choked, overwhelmed and clearly out of his depth. The car, a 1985 ‘hot hatch’ with more than the legal number of passengers crammed into the back, sat in a cul-de-sac in a post second world war council estate, dimly lit and relatively ina...
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Short Story / Seen Through a Window
Version 4
1 Review   0 Comments
They will hang me in a matter of days. I have watched this town grow for a long time. The children skipping, no cares visible and seamless, without worry. The buildings, erecting slowly on the horizon. My life is more complicated. It’s a struggle for the simpler things: images, memories and joy. I haven't felt joy in a while. Time passes quickly when you’re not thinking about it. But when it becomes immeasurable and the only thing you have left, it seems to stop. Looking out over the landsca...
Short Story / Adam the agnostic.
Version 9
0 Reviews   0 Comments
A firm tap on the window raised everyone’s heart rate, disturbing the contrived mood inside the car. The sun had been out of sight for a few hours; with the late October evenings feeling cold, damp, bleak and soulless. As Adam exhaled, he choked, overwhelmed and clearly out of his depth. The car, a 1985 ‘hot hatch’ with more than the legal number of passengers crammed into the back, sat in a cul-de-sac in a post second world war council estate, dimly lit and relatively inaccessible. The flat ...
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Short Story / Adam the agnostic.
Version 8
0 Reviews   0 Comments
A firm tap on the window raised everyone’s heart rate, disturbing the contrived mood inside the car. The sun had been out of sight for a few hours; with the late October evenings feeling cold, damp, bleak and soulless. As Adam exhaled, he choked, overwhelmed and clearly out of his depth. The car, a 1985 ‘hot hatch’ with more than the legal number of passengers crammed into the back, sat in a cul-de-sac in a post second world war council estate, dimly lit and relatively inaccessible. The flat ...
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Short Story / Adam the agnostic.
Version 7
0 Reviews   0 Comments
A firm tap on the window startled everyone in the car. It was early evening and the sun had been out of sight for a few hours. It was late October; cold, damp and bleak. As Adam exhaled, he choked, overwhelmed and clearly out of his depth. The car, a 1985 ‘hot hatch’ with more than the legal number of passengers, sat in a cul-de-sac in a post second world war council estate, dimly lit and relatively inaccessible. It was the regular gathering place for many of the drifting teenagers of the tim...
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Reviews
Hi. I enjoyed the simplicity of this. It had a good beat to it. The only improvement I would suggest is: momentary to momentarily. The subject matter was executed with style, creating vivid images in such a little collection of words. Well done.
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Short Story / Alison
I've got to say that you have made a very good start at this. The story itself seems to be unfinished in my mind; I think you could quite justifiably strip some aspects of it out and focus on Alison's adventure: I never really felt like I got anywhere with the riddle, though you did begin to include us in her little journey, but it never really triumphed. There were some aspects of it that were clearly backstory to me, which is essential but not particularly for the reader. So to summarize th...
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Polyamory, scorpios and divorce
Well you have been witnessed and i found it very intriguing. Most people are never true to themselves and often divorce can seem utterly negative but you have be honest about this; its absolutely positive if it's not working. Roll on the sex, the good times, the children's growth and your mind.
Young Adult / Nightmares
Hi there! Thanks for sharing this with me. I enjoyed the introduction to what must be a much larger story. I think you have certainly got some good elements that have attracted my attention, although to begin with the adjectives stuck out like a saw thumb. Its been said that it is bad form and that the reader can imagine more than an adjective can conjure. Perhaps it's just opinion but I thought i'd share it with you. Here is an example of the structure problems I noticed at some points, as w...
Haiku/Senryu / Just passing
I liked the word choice and the beat. The imagery was provoking and seemed to induce red in my mind. Not an angry red but seductive red. And then, right at the end, the odour and taste of methane filled my mind. I don't know if you intended this? If you did, I ask why? Why why why? It was sweet until then. Ultimately I like it, even though the twist was revolting.....ha, thanks.
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