SoCo_Nes's profile
AGE:
23
LOC: San Diego, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 08
LOC: San Diego, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 08
Every since my last year of grammar school, I have had a passion to write my own book. Even though I continued to enjoy reading books by other authors, I wanted to come up with my own group of characters that I really love and talk about things that go on in high schools today, specifically love relationships and friendship.
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Version 1
4 Reviews
0 Comments
“My life sucks!” Gisela confessed to her best friends in her room at their final sleep over for the summer before their sophomore year of high school began. With no new boys to occupy her mind and her time split between hanging out with her friends or going on family trips since school let out in June, Gisela Arnez came to this conclusion. Being one of her best friends since kindergarten, Alex Kent did not take her seriously. “With me in your life, I beg to differ.” She flipped to the next p...
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Version 2
4 Reviews
3 Comments
Chapter One “My life sucks!” Gisela confused to her best friends in her room at their final sleep over for the summer before their sophomore year of high school began. With no new boys to occupy her mind and her time split between hanging out with her friends or going on family trips since school let out in June, Gisela Arnez came to this conclusion. Being one of her best friends since kindergarten, Alex Kent did not take her seriously. “With me in your life, I beg to differ.” She flipped to ...
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Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
Chapter One "Why is this city so boring?" Gisela Arnez asked her best friends in her room at their final sleep over for the summer. "Los Angeles is anything but boring," Alexandra Kent remarked, disagreeing with her. "But then again, when you don’t have a long-term boyfriend anymore, I guess it could be boring." "Why would you of all people consider the city to be a boring place to live when you have all that you do?" Kristin Marison questioned, demanding a response. "Why wouldn’t I?" Gisela ...
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Prologue grammatical/spelling errors corrected in my version of editing: I ran through the underground tunnel (alongside-I think this is one word) my wife Eva. I could hear the (gunfire-might be one word also) from behind. The two soldiers who were supposed to protect me so I could at least get out of the tunnel before anyone knew of it had to stay behind. (I put the so I could at least get out sent in the previous one since it read better, UNLESS you were just meaning that this man and his w...
From reading this "verse" two times, I must say it grew on me. It has visual appeal, especially liked the on my knees can't stand up to the bottle my ego needs...tells me that he needs liquor to aviod the current situation of being "dumped, someone in the past." In my opinion, it reads as a goodbye letter, reflection of the past, the present, and what has to be accepted in one own's mind to move forward. "to the vision of a blind man who could lead you to the light.." great line!
I'm quite sure you are aware of the grammatical errors/spelling but I will put in my suggestions/questions in the re-write of your verse. Also, it may be better for you to use (/) instead of commas where you want breaks in the lyrics. I placed (/) where it was obvious where the break is/how I'm reading the lyrics/suggested breaks. I used to walk until he carried me/may my visions blind me until you bury me/ on the days I'm fine/I'm not as scared to see that you do/and it's ok that you care ab...
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