I know you mentioned yourself it was short, but I think its to short to give a fair review, simply because I felt I didnt have anouth to work with. For example, this came across to me as being the blurb I would expect to find on the back of the finished story, but I just really wanted more to draw me in, who is nancy? What drives her, is running what defines her etc. I think you have a good starting point though, and that you should just run with it and see where it takes you. I'd like to see...

This is a good piece for halloween. liked the darkness of it, found it darkly humorous, the way Mr beasly speaks. very disturbing though. The problem I have with it is the subject matter, as regards the abuse of Sarah. Ok, her aggressor gets whats coming to her, but honestly, for me, the decriptive nature of the abuse leaves me a bit worried. What I mean by this is there so vivid and clear, and disturbin. Of course horror is meant to be like this, and Mr Beasley provides the factor that is ne...

We've all been there, asking these sorts of questions, some even make a living out of it. The ending of this was the strongest part for me and well put across, and the last sentence in particular was excellent.

This is an awesome quote. I love how much emotion etc you can take from this with such few words. wicked.

everything was fine with this until the last bit, the part where he accepts what's happening. the build up and the end deserve better then what seemed like a bit of an anti climax where he goes from argumentative to "it's true isn't it, I'm dead. I died" I mean yeah obviously we all know how it's going to end I just personally felt you can make it better, more dramatic, more shocking, more poignant, anything that jolts you from the linear aspect of the story. I just feel there's more to be ex...

hmmm, it does what it says on the tin, that's not to say I didn't like it because I really did but to review this is like saying how far down the rabbit hole do you wanna go. I'll just end this quick by saying I love stuff like this that is open to as much interpretation as you can be bothered to give. going by this piece I'd recommend I Heart Huckerbees, a film that like this, you take as much as you want from it. good stuff. I've given it an 8 across the board because I think it's enigmatic...

It didn't really take me on too much of a journey, but that's primarily because there's to much directing from the page, which was boring me a little. You've obviously got a very interesting concept you wanna get across but you lost me because your descriptive passages should be a part of the whole, adding to the dialogue and reinforcing the mood, not losing the reader with loads of direction. I understand if it is your intention to film it yourself but I still would rather the story taking m...

I can find no big problem with this piece, it already looks like it'd sit side by side with other articles in a paper right now. Is that good enough to mark you out from the crowd I don't know but it's clear and concise so your on the right track if journalism is your thing. the only minor quibble "these poofs are no wimps", this one line doesn't seem to fit with the overall tone of your writing. If that's the tone your going for there needs to be more of it because I did think it was going t...

I know your gonna think it unfair of me not to have read the whole piece but I do have my reasons. I thought the first page was bloody brilliant to be honest and was really looking forward to the rest but then it just seemed to descend into over descriptive 'woe is me' passages that just became to much to wade through. when you keep it simple, concise and to the point you really do seem like an accompolished writer it's just the other times that make it difficult to keep with it.