Stachuco's profile

Hi, the idea of the poem is allright, the only thing that distracts me is that it needs to be balanced, I mean this in a good way. Theres 6, 5, 2, 7 , you could rearange into three paragraps of 7 each, if you like, other than that, the spelling is good, the idea is good. And a good grade on originality.

I like the way you set the stage, taking the reader by the hand and show what must see. When you say "girlfriend" do you mean a beautiful friend that you care about, in what way? maybe if you want, you could clear that a little. When you described your future husband, I like it when you said "perfect nose" it tells the reader you don't smell ugly. When you said "perfect lips" it sets the stage for unforgettable love. I think you're a poet, I think is in you, you could choose a bright smile, o...

Vague explained, the words used limit the imagination flow, if they were born with gifts, why would they need teachers, unless they are not real. The tone that the words produce doesn't feel like is present day America, it sounds like Saturday morning cartoons in a mysthical rerun.

It sounds like unplanned pregnancy, I don't like the words used to describe it. There is no warm tones that imply love or welcoming of a newborn. Very cold and irresponsible use of words. The combination of words does work from a teacher's point of view, no mispells, paragraphs not proportioned 4, 4, 5.