Starwise's profile

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AGE: 30
LOC: Grand Rapids, MI
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 10

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Query Letter / The Cain Letters
Version 4
18 Reviews   4 Comments
THE CAIN LETTERS is a completed novel of 74,000 words, aimed at the horror/thriller audience. Merging a Dan Brown dynamic with the thrill and suspense of vampire drama and action, this dark, religious thriller about a fierce God-fearing vampire hunter named Alexandra Glade takes the vampire premise and the Christian fantasy-philosophy to a completely new level. Facing an apocalypse, she uncovers the secret of vampirism, the origin of it all: the biblical figure himself, Cain. I am a graduate ...
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / The Cain Letters - Chapter 18
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Strang’s door bursted open, splinters of wood and dust dancing around Strang’s entryway. A figure wearing a black trench coat casually walked in, looking left, then right. A gunshot rang across the room and blasted a part of the wall next to the figure, catching the figure’s attention immediately. The figure growled. It sped across with an unnatural speed and snatched Theodore Strang by the neck, forcing him to drop his shotgun. The figure moved in closer, the fire in the hearth revealing the...
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / The Cain Letters - Chapter 17
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Marcus just guessed blind. With Theodore Strang’s eccentricities, for all Marcus knew, Strang could’ve meant somebody else. Marcus couldn’t think of anyone else in biblical history who was marked, though. And he didn’t even know what Strang meant by marked. Much to Marcus’s surprise, he had answered correctly. Both Strang and Marcus talked endlessly about the concept behind the book, the world’s first vampire. Strang translated bits and pieces for Marcus as he explained it all. It documented ...
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / The Cain Letters - Chapter 16
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Marcus Brennan, backpack slung over one shoulder, stood in front of the old brick building, mystified, with the piece of paper in his hand. Being in a strange, old part of the neighborhood, he suddenly felt the urge to ask himself really paranoid questions. It didn’t surprise him in the least. He had a habit of doing it—jumping into action without thinking it through. And the result? Questions. He questioned himself like a part of his mind questioned his sanity. What person in their right min...
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / The Cain Letters - Chapter 15
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
“I suggest you let the Reverend go, Nikolas.” said Alexandra, aiming her gun. Nikolas maneuvered behind Banning and then held his rapier across his chest with the blade’s end poised to puncture the side of his neck. Nikolas threw off his hood and smiled deviously. In the darkness, his eyes glowed as a cat’s in the wild moonlight. He chuckled slowly. “Come on, Nikolas,” said Kyan, approaching closer with his two carbines in both hands. “You’re done here. Let him go and come with us—” “Back! Aw...
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Reviews
You have a talent for performance poetry, just by reading this. This piece would be perfect for a stage. Repetition is a weapon when performing pieces in front of people. One thing I might change is the title to simply "Behind Black Hair". Leave "she hides" out of it, because we may very well get that feeling from the actual words themselves. I like the 'something's, too, but I wonder if you strengthen the actual rhythm of the piece fo elongating the imagery of the 'something's, adding a few ...
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Poetry / Goodbye
Locked
Oh, yes, I love the gothic, foreboding nature of this kind of poetry, epic poetry, too. It's a lot of fun to read, and it appeals to certain emotions as well as imagery, although the play on emotions generally takes center stage. Nothing wrong with that. Your rhymes are natural (I especially like the assonant rhymes the best). It's very melodious, and it kind of reminds me of Edgar Allan Poe and that dreary, dreamy, darkness in his words. The thy's and the thee's, honestly, I don't mind them ...
Novel Treatments / Seeking Saturn
It's interesting that you label this as a novel treatment, because it actually reads like a memoir. You have an authentic human voice, it being 1st person, but for the first few pages, I don't see any dialogue and no scene establishment. It is simply a strong character development. Hence, a memoir, and a sharply written one at that. You have wit in your words. Several times I found myself chuckling inside as I read. One suggestion I can give is to take another look at your paragraphs and real...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
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