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Storyteller29's profile
AGE:
21
LOC: Belcamp, MD
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 06
LOC: Belcamp, MD
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 06
It is the blessing, and perhaps the curse, of the storyteller to wonder about the lives of every single person; be they a rich woman or a homeless man, a single father or a happy family. How did they get to where they are today? What were their successes, and what were their failures? Did they earn their money, did they win it, or is there just not enough to get by?
Unfortunately, writers sometimes get so wrapped up in the tales of others that they forget to take notice of their own. Most of the time, it is easier to drown in the problems or peace of someone else’s life, than to face the trials or even triumphs in theirs.
So while I sit and ponder where I am, exactly, and just where I’ll be going, it’s hard to fight the urg…
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Version 1
31 Reviews
2 Comments
When I was a girl on a rock by the sea I dreamed up a you for little old me. You'd be tall 'cause I'm short We'd have our own tennis court And we'd live in a house in the clouds. Me in white, you in black, If we married could I bring my cat? And my dolls and my tea set And before I forget You could bring your baseball bat. I could make breakfast And you could make dinner You could bring flowers And build us a tower So that we could see past the sea. Oh how much fun playing house would be, If ...
Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Pop the champagne to toast the stars Powder your nose, close down the bars Oh yeah, baby, you’re going far d o w n this toxic road of ours. Light up the night to save your soul Crank up the volume, rock ‘n’ roll, Wind down the windows, lose control Let the liquor make you whole. Party hard and come down fast, The time for reason’s long since passed The race is on, can’t come in last Searching for that final blast.
Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
It's far too late to theorize On what you missed in his blue eyes It's far too late to forgive the lies You know too much to deny, deny You can’t continue asking why, It’s using so much precious time. Remember that you’re still alive, And living like this isn’t wise. You've had your time to grieve and cry It's time, babe, to say goodbye It's far too late for one last try, Because you can't hide behind those eyes.
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Mirror, mirror on the wall, Shows the surface, never it all. Darling girl all dressed in black, Can’t you see we want you back? Too much trust in that reflection You’ll never find that true perfection. Beauty is as beauty does, And it’s inside, it always was. Forget fair skin and ruby lips, Life wasn’t meant to be like this. Cover up that wicked mirror, Happiness comes ever nearer, ‘Cause once your desperation’s passed, You’ll see that a mirror’s only glass.
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Locker number A112 is home to a curling iron, a make-up bag, two mirrors and exactly three textbooks. Oh, and a diary. How I came to possess this diary, and how I know that the combination to the locker is 12-34-26 has been, until now, strictly confidential, known only to my partners in crime Sarah and Bobby. Sarah, Bobby and I have been best friends probably since the womb, since our mothers are best friends too. The three of us are together, smiling, in every first day of school photo from ...
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Reviews
created a resounding roar as she rushed to the room There is too much alliteration in this first sentence, it makes it sound weird when said aloud. There are a few places that are missing punctuation, however I dont want to list all of them, so you should comb over yourself. Read the dialogue out loud to yourself or someone else. Make sure that it sounds natural, if not, rearrange it some until it does. Also, I think that this is a little short for a chapter.
Okay, here's what I think: It is an interesting mix of "Saw", "Star Chamber," and "Blade" with a feminist twist. I think that the storyline has unique potential, and this coming from a person who is terrified of vampires but loves historical flashback pieces. A quick note on the dialogue from the flashback: I think that you are laying it on a bit thick, with too many adjectives. It just doesn't sound natural ( the dialogue) when spoken aloud, and it should. While past upper class gentry did s...
this has a good,solid feel to it. The only thing I would suggest is that you cut some of your paragraphs down into two (or even three) to make it easier for the reader. I really enjoyed it because i like novels in which you can tell the the author really knows something about what he or she is writing.
I like this. I think that it is a good metaphor for the lives of many people. The last two lines were especially powerful, I think.
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