AGE:
38
LOC: Menomonie, WI
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 21
LOC: Menomonie, WI
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 21
“Plot is no more than footprints left in the snow after your characters have run by on their way to incredible destinations. Plot is observed after the fact rather than before. It cannot precede action. That is all plot should ever be. It is human desire let run, running and reaching a goal. It cannot be mechanical. It can only be dynamic.”
Ray Bradbury, Zen in the Art of Writing.
I took a long round-about way to get here, but I finally feel like I am doing what I was meant to do. I wrote stories on and off through my life. But at some point in my teen years I decided that writing was too hard of a field to break into so naturally, I choose a much easier field to break into. I went to college and earned a B.A. degree…
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Chapter Recaps Chapter One – The villain and protagonist are introduced. The villain is mysterious wizard bent on revenge. Twenty five year old Lauriana and her two brothers and two cousins find a secret room. Smoke fills the room and they lose consciousness. Chapter Two – The five wake up in a parallel world where they find themselves physically altered. Lauriana is taller and stronger, her brothers a dwarf and combatant, her cousins an elf and magic tyro. A wizard (Zeke) offers to help them...
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Chapter One -1- His lips curled back as he threw the wineglass. Fragments of glass showered the carpeted rock floor; wine the color of blood ran down the wall. All these centuries and he still hadn’t managed to master being patience. Not that he’d learned any virtues for that matter, virtues were for the weak. The boy should have returned by now. The man leaned back on the obsidian throne and drummed his fingers against the ornately carved arm. He had waited centuries for the girl and could ...
Version 1
11 Reviews
12 Comments
Chapter Twelve -1- Lauriana dressed quickly hoping to slip out of the room before Mikell woke up. Just a few more seconds and she’d be home free, just one more boot to slip on.... “Why are you up so early and just where do you think you are going?” She spun around at the sound of his voice. “I have a few words for that woman before she leaves.” Mikell’s jaw tightened. “I do not want you anywhere near Martika.” “I’m sure I gave her the wrong impression yesterday. I just want to make it clear ...
Version 2
10 Reviews
9 Comments
Chapter Eleven -1- The aroma of freshly baked pastries filled her nose. Her eyes popped open and squinted against the intense sunlight. How long had she slept? Mikell was dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed. She met his intense blue eyes and he corner of his lips turned up. The smile made her heart skip a beat. How she loved his strong jaw and that thick wavy hair that framed his face perfectly. “How’d you sleep?” “Okay, I guess. I still feel worn out.” Her ribs no longer hurt, but sh...
Version 1
13 Reviews
8 Comments
Chapter Eleven -1- The aroma of freshly baked pastries filled her nose. Her eyes popped open and squinted against the intense sunlight. How long had she slept? Mikell smiled at her. He was dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed. “How’d you sleep?” “Okay, I guess. I still feel worn out.” Her ribs no longer hurt, but she felt like she’d gone weeks without sleep and all her limbs felt leaden. Lauriana yawned and pointed to the tray of food sitting on the small table next to the bed. “What’s...
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Another great chapter. I’m looking forward to more. I didn’t point out pov shifts this time, there weren’t that many. I am enjoying the plot and the characters. “She’d explored a decent amount of the caves through the entrance closest to the village’s southern edge, and at least knew how to get to the northern entrance from there. So she reached the cave in just under an hour.” This is a bit awkward. Also “a decent amount” it vague. It would mean different amounts to different people. I would...
The was pretty well written. Other than a few typos and a lot punctuation mistakes I couldn’t find any flaws. “to Pizza Hut” he replied.” hut,” he You do this a lot. I didn’t point them all out. “understand that a” understand what a “by his condition” condition, “could not each round” reach “very much” much, “signaling” signaling “my fault” she” fault,” she “he might have gone straight home.” I like the foreshadowing. I was convinced for a while that Sarah was psychotic and purposely trying t...
This is definitely an original idea, at least the vampire cowboy bit and I think this has promise. The two main thoughts while reading this that struck me were first that most of this does not read like a journal. No one writes a journal popping in and out of real time. One way to fix this is have her writing the journal in the story. She could become absorbed in her thoughts and it would be like she was reliving the experiences. Second, I’m not sure what type of story you’re trying to write....
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