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AGE: 39
LOC: Menomonie, WI
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 20

“Plot is no more than footprints left in the snow after your characters have run by on their way to incredible destinations. Plot is observed after the fact rather than before. It cannot precede action. That is all plot should ever be. It is human desire let run, running and reaching a goal. It cannot be mechanical. It can only be dynamic.”

Ray Bradbury, Zen in the Art of Writing.

        I took a long round-about way to get here, but I finally feel like I am doing what I was meant to do. I wrote stories on and off through my life. But at some point in my teen years I decided that writing was too hard of a field to break into so naturally, I choose a much easier field to break into. I went to college and earned a B.A. degree…

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Version 1
16 Reviews   1 Comment
Chapter One – The villain and protagonist are introduced. The villain is mysterious wizard bent on revenge. Twenty five year old Lauriana and her two brothers and two cousins find a secret room. Smoke fills the room and they lose consciousness. Chapter Two – The five wake up in a parallel world where they find themselves physically altered. Lauriana is taller and stronger, her brothers a dwarf and combatant, her cousins an elf and magic tyro. A wizard (Zeke) offers to help them fi...
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Version 1
13 Reviews   4 Comments
Chapter One – The villain and protagonist are introduced. The villain is mysterious wizard bent on revenge. Twenty five year old Lauriana and her two brothers and two cousins find a secret room. Smoke fills the room and they lose consciousness. Chapter Two – The five wake up in a parallel world where they find themselves physically altered. Lauriana is taller and stronger, her brothers a dwarf and combatant, her cousins an elf and magic tyro. A wizard (Zeke) offers to help them fi...
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19 Reviews   8 Comments
Chapter One – The villain and protagonist are introduced. The villain is mysterious wizard bent on revenge. Twenty five year old Lauriana and her two brothers and two cousins find a secret room. Smoke fills the room and they lose consciousness. Chapter Two – The five wake up in a parallel world where they find themselves physically altered. Lauriana is taller and stronger, her brothers a dwarf and combatant, her cousins an elf and magic tyro. A wizard (Zeke) offers to help them fi...
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7 Reviews   8 Comments
Chapter One – The villain and protagonist are introduced. The villain is mysterious wizard bent on revenge. Twenty five year old Lauriana and her two brothers and two cousins find a secret room. Smoke fills the room and they lose consciousness. Chapter Two – The five wake up in a parallel world where they find themselves physically altered. Lauriana is taller and stronger, her brothers a dwarf and combatant, her cousins an elf and magic tyro. A wizard (Zeke) offers to help them fi...
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12 Reviews   12 Comments
Chapter One – The villain and protagonist are introduced. The villain is mysterious wizard bent on revenge. Twenty five year old Lauriana and her two brothers and two cousins find a secret room. Smoke fills the room and they lose consciousness. Chapter Two – The five wake up in a parallel world where they find themselves physically altered. Lauriana is taller and stronger, her brothers a dwarf and combatant, her cousins an elf and magic tyro. A wizard (Zeke) offers to help them fi...
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This is a great start. You’ve obviously spent a lot of time working on your world building and characters. Not a very intriguing start though. Lots of passive language. Start in the middle of action. I suggest starting with the second paragraph. Or write the chapter chronologically. All of the excitement in the chapter in is flashbacks. In fact, if you take out the flashbacks the beginning becomes dull. All that happens is he lays under a bush and then goes to the library to study maps. I’d a...
This is a great start to an intriguing story. There a few areas that were vague and confusing. See notes below. Great opening line. Caught my attention right away. “anyone else would too.” would want to as well “yelling their song,” not sure this works. I’ve never heard a bird yell. “find latter on?’ later on “panic I forced through them,” doesn’t make sense. Panic is usually somewhat involuntary. No one forces it on themselves. “devils burry” bury “Mary?” Up until now I had the impression th...
This is a great start. You’ve created an intriguing world and the story leaves questions that the reader will want answered. The chapter has a good cliff hanger ending. There are a few areas where I think you could improve on and turn this from a promising story to an excellent one. See below. “It was dark and the mist was thick.” Instead of telling us this show it. Describe the night. Is the mist enveloping the young men etc. “men were walking” men walked “One of the men had” Don’t stop the ...
This is an intriguing start. I think I like the overall plot. I say I think because I’m not sure where this story is going. It don’t think the prologue fits well. It’s unusual for a prologue to be split. Usually it’s about one person or set of people at the same time period. The first part seems unnecessary unless the princess is not really dead and will be taking part in the story later. The second part seems to focus too much on the parents since they die and the story really seems to be ab...
Horror / Mad Cow Fashion
I enjoyed this the first time and it’s even better this. You’ve made some great additions! Your writing is always a pleasure to read. The one issue I see is the pov. I think what confuses people about pov is that you start with Harry’s thoughts and spend the first paragraphs with his thoughts. That makes it seem like you’re telling the story in Harry’s pov. I love the starting line, but starting in the narrator’s voice might eliminate the confusion. After reading through this piece again it d...