i think this was a funny cript. I really liem the way you took the idea. I mean i have done tahty quite a few times mainkly in dreams but when i am writing i alsweys imagine speaking to my characters it make me think like them and how they would react in situations. The only thing i would suggest is make it a bit longer. i now you have to be careful when writing with only two characters but i think you could get away with the script being abit longer.

I likes the storline of this story and also that it was written in the first person although what i wasnt that keen on was the long sentances like "My younger brother and I were coming back from our morning run to check the crab traps before we boarded the school bus that would take us to our small Christian private school across town" it wasnt split up with ant punctuation and you where gaspin gfor air when reading it i would add a few more shorter sentances if it was my story but this is ju...

I think that this is a really good poem but if i was writing it then i would add some more punctuation like for example "The roar of the central air as it queitly pushes the silence out And provides a cover for my thoughtlessness." I would put a comma after the word out i think this would add abit more tension although this is my [personal opinion you may take my advice if you like the tip i just gave you but if you didnt i apologise for wasting your credits.But what I will sday is that i did...

I really like this poem the use of rme anf rythem is excellent all i would say is two things i would add a bit more punctation and also fior the final line i would use the word "final" instaed of "last" but i cant say much more because its that good well done.

i THINK THIS IS AN OK PEICE OF WRIRING SLTHOUGH I AM NOT KEEN ON THE FIRST STANZA I MUCH PREFERE THE 1ST THAN THE SECOND A BIT TOO PERSONAL FOR ME BUT THIS IS MY OPINION AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE MY ADVICE BUT IF IT WAS ME I WOULD TAKE OUT THE SCEOND STANZA AND EITHER REPLACE IT OR JUST KEEP THE 1ST STANZA BUT OVERALL IT IS NOT BAD FOR A FIRST ATTEMPT IN A WHILE

I do like this passage it has a very complx side to it.I love all of your complex words used like for example "scent" some people think it is not complext but in this passage it feels more like a word of lust for this gentleman.I would love to read more as i would like to find out more about here dream because at the moment it doesn't really add up but im sure when you write more then it will do.If i was to change anything I think it would actually to add more detail before she goes to sleep ...

I do like this chapter it is one of the few young adult stories i can read without cringing at the lack of storline.Yours is the complete oposite it has alot of storyline.However For one i think it is a bit too long for one chapter if this was published the teenagers mind would move on to something else when they know they have read alot and only got throught half of the chapter.Also if i was writing this (and this is only my personal opinion i would not put in the words knock nock i would ra...

I think this is a perfect storyline however if i was to change something it will be to make the chapters smaller young adults are less likly to read it if the chapters are long and not small