Tak3thechanc3's profile

Tak3thechanc3 avatar
AGE: 18
LOC: Carmel, IN
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 30

My name is Walker and I have recently started a band and began writing lyrics and some poems, and other random tid bits. Please feel free to review me…

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Lyrics / Dreaming
Version 1
2 Reviews   2 Comments
Opening: I close my eyes, I fall asleep. My dreams awaken, and I am at peace. Chorus: Once again I see your face, In this unworldly place, All is well, all is well I get to hold your hand again, Forever in this world of mine, All is right, all is right Into my arms you fall asleep Inside my dream my heart you keep, All is yours, all is yours _______________________________ If I could I would stay, but here comes another day So I bid this dream good bye and open my eyes to my peaceful life (...
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Version 1
2 Reviews   2 Comments
This recession Is an oppression What has happened to our time? The people They grow frugal Saving their pennies, nickels and dimes. I want to buy a house Put money on the market Let me buy a car So I can drive and park it But the economy is failing No one wants to spend Our lives will be changing It’s to be the 1930s again… Politicians work… Seeking to find A new solution. New acts Are proposed But the government is still in dissolution. The stocks They drop Faster than a ...
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Version 2
2 Reviews   2 Comments
(With a growl for this intro) We’re not going to take this No no We’re not going to make this No, no It was you that created this Yes, yes, And you who caused it… We had… freedom of reality But nothings free… And all can be taken due to technicality. [say quick] We hold these truths to be self evident That Big Brothers watching us to prevent This…kind…of…enlightenment (sweet guitar riff) (echo, like a loudspeaker, talked) When This countr...
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Version 1
1 Review   1 Comment
(With a growl for this intro) We’re not going to take this No no We’re not going to make this No, no It was you that created this Yes, yes, And you who caused it… We had… freedom of reality But nothings free… And all can be taken due to technicality. [say quick] We hold these truths to be self evident That Big Brothers watching us to prevent This…kind…of…enlightenment (sweet guitar riff right here if you are wondering) When This country&h...
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Lyrics / Nowhere
Version 2
1 Review   0 Comments
I’m nowhere In the darkness Where the hell have I gone? My body It’s broken And life just feels so wrong I’m nowhere In the darkness I can’t see a thing There are people I can feel them But they are in nowhere to be seen In a world that held so many rights How did this all go wrong? It all ended in a bang And now life isn’t so long. But what if I, had the chance To take back what I’ve done What if I could live life And make you better all along. Yet I&rsquo...
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Reviews
Poetry / I'm just me...
This is a great poem, it seems deep in places and well thought out, it tends to have great flow, and uses great imagery. However, I felt as if I was getting lost as I read from stanza to stanza because it felt like you were lacking in organization of your poem. The overall flow was good, but some lines need a lot of work, not only on grammar but also on making sense, like "or am i the clown ready for the big down" and "then i just aren't no sleeper." I'd just like to say you have a lot of tal...
Poetry / The Pardon
I like the premis of your writing and love the general direction of flow. However, you seemingly have no set pattern, as you go from a 3 line stanza, to 2 lines, to 1, to 3, to 3. I'd suggest something more organized because it would help keep the reader into your poem, as well as help with the general flow and though process of the work. Great job and keep up the good work!
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Poetry / Freedom
Locked
Poetry / homeless
Locked
Lyrics / End of an Empire
I love the allegory of an empire to the Bush administration. I also like your chorus, especially the ending of the extended chorus, it made me read the lyrics again. The stanza: Though advised not to fear, It's all the seers sell. If we don't heed their guidance, We’re waited for in Hell. These lines just pop out in the song, Bush preached about not fearing and taking the war to the terrorist. The only thing that needs to be changed is the first word, Though, it doesn't really make sense beca...