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Talross avatar
AGE: 21
LOC: Montgomery, AL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 20

   ...I just realized the website’s dominant color is PINK. I don’t know what to think of that.

   I’m sorry if my reviews seem harsh. I don’t intend to be mean or judgmental but I’m not used to giving reviews on literature. It’s easier for me to find errors or such rather than praising on things done right. I’m only trying to help. Usually, if I took the time to leave you a review, it means I like it enough to finish reading it, which is a lot to say. lol (As time goes on, hopefully my reviews will be more pleasant AND more helpful!)

   As for myself, I’m here to practice my writing. I will accept the harshest reviews with love, so long as they are aimed to help me. The more errors you can point out in my writing, the more I will…

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Items
Romance / Stars
Version 1
3 Reviews   2 Comments
Pulling herself from the mess of sheets, she wandered the large chamber briefly before she found her mate on the balcony. She slithered up behind him and snaked her arms around his waist. She was rewarded with his hand upon hers, but his gaze remained on stars outside. Resting her head on his back, she softly nuzzled him. The smell of sweat and sex lingered. "Darling, wont you come to bed soon? I miss your warmth." Finally, he turned his head. "I'm sorry. Go back to bed. I'll b...
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / Nemo
Version 2
4 Reviews   7 Comments
The quick patter of bare feet on dirt-covered cobblestone was followed by the angry cries of a merchant yelling, "Nemo, bring those back! Catch him!" In such a small country town everyone knew everyone, including the thieving orphan boy and the old man chasing him, and this sort of thing was common. Nemo, the young preteen who refused to be named or taken in, often stole food from the vendors, and some let him get away with it. Craten, the fruit vendor, however, thought the boy dese...
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / Prompt 1
Version 1
2 Reviews   2 Comments
Throughout the museum and the surrounding area the streets were in chaos. Traffic was halted and every person and carriage was inspected thoroughly. Anyone of suspicious nature was arrested immediately, with trial to follow at a later date. Anyone with with information on the whereabouts of the stolen chalice were promise great rewards. The item, of most precious value, was the treasure of not only the museum, but the entire kingdom. For the longest time it had been kept in the royal vault, b...
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Reviews
(Theirs had bee built ) Been. (Alas, it was the wont of a species) Want? (Suddenly everyone was brothers and sisters) Were? I think? I think there should be a comma after "Suddenly," too. (Suddenly, no one was no one's friend.) No one was anyone's friend? And this is so creepy and dark. Do you ever write about happy things? Still, I like it.
(mulberry tree .) You have an extra space at the end here. (an impulse so amiable curiosity so it was) It seems incomplete, or confusing. (“ If you don’t mind me asking,) There's an extra space before "If." It's very interesting, but why an ant? Don't bees have queens, too? I think it would have worked well with the term "busy bee."
Short Story / Killer for Hire #1
Locked
Short Story / Drive
Locked
Short Story / 15 Minutes More
This is a very interesting story, but I found a few things that may need fixing: (Problem was, Ray didn’t believe in the spiritual life. He didn’t believe in God. And he didn’t believe in heaven.) I think this would work better as one sentence, divided by commas. (and slowed he and his crew down,) Him. (He was dreaming about he and Mike) Himself.
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / Prelude - Raven Rising
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Chapter 1 - Raven Rising
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Chapter 2 - Raven Rising

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