Just as in the first part, you have some great one-liners. Here's one I loved: "...she’s old enough to be Shakespeare grandmother and her face has more lines than his collected plays." GREAT description! However, there are a few issues with how things play out in this part. It's a little too perfect that Mike suddenly appears to save the day by the end of this part. First, the main character called him in LA, and only maybe an hour later, Mike happens to find out exactly where he is in a conv...

Oh, my goodness. I'm almost in tears after reading this. This is like the book of life for so many male youths, especially black male youths in the 'hood. This poem speaks volumes. So many mothers spend time crying and praying for their sons. Crying for what they are doing that the mother can only imagine; crying for the crimes committed. Praying that they aren't doing what she imagines; praying that God certainly brings them through and safely back to her door; praying that he survives the t...

Until the fifth question, my answer was nothing. "What is wrong with the world we live in." My oh my, I could answer this question for days. I like these musings. I wish life could be so simple that people wouldn't care one bit if we did these things. The last line really tosses a curve ball, but I love it! It's ballsy; why can't us women be ballsy and do those things. Cool!

Although admittedly, this was only a thought, I think this could turn into something big. Perhaps you could use this as a middle scene of some average Joe who walks the shadows of the city or as a middle scene of a detective story where the guy was on his way to some place and the guy who got killed was supposed to be the person he was searching for. The reason I say middle scene because the phrase "what tomorrows test would be like" makes me feel as if there were tests before this night and ...

This is so sad, yet I can see clearly everything you've described. While I can't quite grasp the scent of blood, jasmine, and street pavement, this is a wonderful use of the sense of smell, which is often overlooked in writing. The vivid colors you've used to describe this sad death scene are wonderful. My favorite color description is this: "hazel eyes to winter-rosy cheeks." I love this sad poem! Keep Writing, TennNicole

I'm not really into haikus, but this one, I dig. One of my fave movies in lovejones, which is set in Chicago; this haiku reminds me of things from that movie. This haiku almost gives that "Chicago is too cool for too many words, so here it is" feel to it. Cool. TN

Coupled with the title, this haiku speaks volumes. On one hand, it could be a citizen fearing what Bush has to say. On the other hand, it could be Bush having the fear and speaking "leaked truth" and lies. I like that this could be read from either perspective. Interesting!

Many writers can identify with the alone aspect described. So many of us have to lock ourselves away from the world to accomplish what we want done. The "utterly alone" phrase is somewhat frightening and peaceful at the same time. I like the thought of immortal imagination-one that lives on forever. It gives more power to the imagination. I liked this.

You have great descriptions. I can see the man, the boy, the dog, and the "ugly woman" with the rope like arms quite clearly. Good job with those. On the first page, there is quite a bit of repetition with the same sentence beginnings, but considering it's done throughout the paper, I'm guessing that it's done on purpose. However, perhaps a little sentence variety occasionally would work well for you. The repetition of "the dog," "the boy," "the glass," "the man," "the woman" becomes rather m...

I like this. It's a accurate description of singers. Although brief, I can see someone standing over one of those old mics pouring their all into the song. Cool.