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TheIronMike's profile

TheIronMike avatar
AGE: 28
LOC: NY, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 01

I believe in the short story because life is a neverending book of short stories.  You sitting here and reading this, that’s a short story.  Bet I can give you 500 words on it…

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Short Story / Where God Is
Version 1
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The first thought I had was that they belonged to either a pimp or a pastor. Then I giggled when I remembered that to me, those two professions were one in the same. The shoes gleamed at me in bright fits of patent leather and black-and-white two-tone. As I removed my sneakers and mulled over my decision to do away with my shirt as well, I focused on those big, shiny shoes. There were no voices in the background, just the summer evening sun splashing all over those shoes making enough light ...
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Short Story / The Life of The Party
Version 1
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I grew up around crack. It was always there. When I left my building as a kid, my Nike Alpha Forces that were always supposed to last me the whole school year crushed crack vials regularly. At school kids bragged about knowing the difference between the red top vial and the blue top vial. When I got to high school I figured out that the kids who knew two much about those things but dressed the same way I did probably knew because no one was there to tell them that the freebies that the pushe...
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Short Story / Love Story
Version 1
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I think that life is just easier for a man if he says he's in love. If Stacy knew the truth I think she would walk off the Williamsburg bridge the next night. Either she'd do that or she would wait a little while before she broke down but still end up making love to a crackpipe on the roof of her old building in the bronx after she sells her little chocha to get it-all because I made her feel worthless a few years before. Still, regardless of who she is and what she's been to me, I'm doing h...
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Version 1
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It was like I was a kid again. Six a.m. those damn heat pipes used to sing their daily song of pain and annoyance behind your pillow. And there wasn't a damn thing that you could do but like it. It meant the heat was coming on and when it was a cold night, that was sometimes all you could hope for under all of those blankets. Lying awake tonight I could feel that cold everytime I was reminded of that sound of clanging pipes. I turned to Stacy and watched her sleep for a few minutes. I think ...
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Version 1
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First of all, don’t speak about football; I mean if you’re spoken to about it, you can give your two cents about the game, but you know how all that man talk looks on a lady; Make sure you wear them earrings I got you that time we went to the game where San Diego was in town; Don’t wear them beat up old shoes you wear to work; If I can, I’ll drive down to the mall on Saturday and pick you up some decent tennis shoes, something like what the kids down at the high school wear; When we’re there,...
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Two things make this story effective, the truncated style of the paragraphs help the pace of the story and the dialogue's repetitive style show emphasis on what is said. Perhaps doing a little more with character names and language would do more for authenticity of setting, but otherwise, great work.
Short Story / Untitled
This story is extremely imaginative and works well especially because of the uncouth but effective descriptions. What bothers me is that I spent my time reading searching for a structure. The story reads like a thousand-word prose poem and I don't know if it is easy to process all of the thoughts here without stopping to reflect on what you just read. Good work otherwise.
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The narrator's balance between interperson dialogue and personal thoughts is very. Maybe that has to do with the structure or maybe it's the writing style. Either way, it is good work.
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This is a very good story. Please don't over revise it. It's approaching the area where it is fine the way it is. The only thing I can tell you is to sweep it for sentences that you absolutely do not need. Very good work.
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Short Story / Evidently

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