TheUnknownPen's profile

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AGE: 19
LOC: Axton, VA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: February 07

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Items
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
"Bluevit cattlewit bershow catlie and von" That is what he said to me and was gone. I had been following him around these lands for months, trying to make contact, to make my plea, but always one step behind. That is until I ran upon him in a city called Vons, in a pub. I spent a good hour in a pub, watching from across the room, trying to work up the courage to approach him. Finally I decided to have a drink, thinking it would help me to raise my confidence. However my plan didn't work, it ...
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Version 1
2 Reviews   2 Comments
“I glanced at my watch, it was just past nine in the morning. I quietly took a long sip from the teacup which I held within my hand, though it was filled not with tea, instead it was filled with steaming, black heaven; it was filled with coffee. Warm, soothing rays of sunlight gently caressed by back as I stared, deeply in thought, at a beautiful arrangement of simple yellow flowers just before me. They were from a rather cute looking guy from work, in an attempt to woo my heart; it worked, ...
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Short Story / A cowards fate
Version 1
3 Reviews   0 Comments
Please, listen carefully, fore I have something to tell you. A story to be more specific, a story which I have never before told a living sole. It is a tale of how this great land became what it is today – It is a tale which no one else, at least no one else whom is still alive, can tell – thus I feel is it my duty to tell it...to tell it, before I pass from this world. Our great lands, peaceful and prosperous as they are now, have not always been this way. For many a year now, somewhere in ...
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Reviews
Short Story / long live this kind
I really liked this short story. It really grabs your interest and makes you want to know more, makes you want to know what's doing on, and why the character is going though this, as well as what is going to happen to him, how he is going to get out of this, and if he will succeed in his goal. You should definitely consider extending this story, and depending on how the story flows maybe even a novel. And I have to say, that if the rest of the story follows the same style as this part of it, ...
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Goth Kid
I realy liked it, however I think that the ending was to breif. You should expand on what happened after she decided to kill him, how she did it, where, things like that. Also, you only listed things about vampires that she said that humans got write or wrong, maybe she should tell of the things that humans had not realised/discovered?
Deleted Item
This is a very nice work. It tells what her problem is, tells what happened for her to be in that position, and it is all drawn up into a nice little bow at the end. The only flaw that my mind can see is that you tell instead of showing. It doesn't really give the reader a godo picture of what's around her. While changing that would chance the entire style of the work, it might give you allot better chance at winning the contest.
Short Story / Untitled
For an amature story writer this is very good, in my oppinion atleast. The only thing I can see that could really use some inprovement would be adding some description thoughout the story. It would allow the reader to better see what you see, and would thus make it a much better piece.
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Beyond The Dreams - Chapter 5
The whole time I read this piece one thing seemed to jump put at me above all else: It seems that you try to hard to use 'big' words. While the use of 'big words' is nice in a work, they must be used correctly for the effect to work. It seems you have tried to hard to stick them in, thus, at times, they interrupt the flow, or sometimes could have been left out all together. Their overuse cold also make the work harder to understand for some. (You cannot write expecting only the most highly ed...
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