ThomasAlan's profile

Errata: first word in line 3 should be "off" Content: This is very earnest, and your style is formal yet easy to understand. However, this piece would be stronger if you were more specific: can you give at least one example of how the person was hurt? What did they do? What did the others do? Also, it would be stronger if the writer shared a SPECIFIC experience of their own that shows s/he is an exTApert. In short, this piece is an outline for something potentially very good, but it needs fle...

1/ Somehow "deign to" seems superfluous in line 5; delete and add "that" before "this"? 2/ colon after yesterday? 3/ could you exchange the "a" before scream with "my"? in my inner reading I see/hear the persona actually screaming, but perhaps you do not; Please note: I have shifted my critical expression purposefully; you are good, and you don't need me to stroke your ego; from now on I will try to be terse and helpful; I will only wax rhapsodic if something really stinks. TA

1/ Punctuation in poetry is very subjective, yet I "feel: a semi-colon at the end of line one and then a period at the end of line two; 2/ Of course, you have by now discovered that the urbis program cannot handle the dash, which leaves you with the issue of printing poems that incorrectly employ the hypen....your call (and same goes for "Divided Life"); 3/ I don't think you need a punctuation mark at the end of line four because the flow seems to go from stanza to stanza, yes? 4/ Either a co...