ITEMS (2)
ThoughtlessButterfly's profile
AGE:
20
LOC: Staten Island, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 16
LOC: Staten Island, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 16
I had an account here when i was 16 and i just stopped writing and reading for a while. Im 19 now, and 20 in a few months. I had started writing again and my creativity just flew all back through me again. I love writing about Fantasy,Si-fi, Horror, Action and tragedies. SOmetime short stories as well.
I recently enjoyed finshing the Twilight series. I love reading similar things. I get inspired by others. The more I read I love to write.
Items
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
When I was a little girl, every night, My mother use to tuck me in bed, and tell me a fairytale to put me to sleep. She told me so many stories, she practically could’ve written the Brothers Grimm stories. She never read me anything, all of her stories came from heart. She would tell me some happy ending stories, like Cinderella, Snow White, Little Red Riding Hood, and the Enchanted Maiden. Some of her stories also had a horror twist, like Bluebeard. But no matter what, I always loved fallin...
Ratings & Rankings
[ View all items ]
Reviews
The concept of the story from the Narrator was very deep and well said through him. But I think this was a little short for such a story. And i think you should have played with it a little more, maybe adding more irony to the Priest. You have a good path going here and its written very well. Maybe a little revision and it should be greater. Keep up the good work
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Hmm, Id say she should've been Frightened and full of fear rather then "Starting to get upset" The whole Concept is amazing. But it also reminds me of Saw. But your story is more menacing, and actually more horrifying. Just the fact that this shows in the end, SOME ONE will die. And you left us in a cliffhanger not knowing who. I'd suggest that you should definitely continue with this story. Make a sequal but different type of "game". Maybe throwing in that story who died in this one. Overall...
Ook, i like the insanity concept you made here. But you must really check your grammar a bit and the play of words are too scrambled. Maybe you should try turning this into a poem, or something of that sort.
Wow, this completely took me by surprise. Its so sad how you ended it but at the same time its such a great climax. Only thing is, when Jessie is in Conversation with someone or when you write about someone in conversation, it doesnt really sound like a convo. Its just like reading a regular paragraph. You should make the conversation more realistic in a way.But its a great story. Keep up the good work
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People
