TokenMassacre's profile
AGE:
33
LOC: Canada
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 11
LOC: Canada
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 11
I’m a 32 year old single mom with three kids. I’ve published 2 books already and am working on my third (for publishing) I look forward to hearing back about my work and to helping others
Items
Version 2
5 Reviews
0 Comments
If you knew a secret would you tell it? Would you say the words knowing that someone would get hurt? Would you take the joy from someone knowing what you know? Could you speak the secret that would cause them to lose it? That's what I faced. The lies, the torment, the broken heart… all of that was just waiting to knock on the door and enter, because I knew a little secret. If I told my parents, my entire world will be shattered. I sat looking, out the window of my tiny room, up at the stars i...
Version 1
11 Reviews
7 Comments
Driving home from work that day, was the same as it had been for the past 10 years. There was tons of traffic. I cursed at the driver who cut me off, and tried not to be pinned against the guardrail as someone tried to merge with me in his or her blind spot. The same monotonous tunes played on the radio. The same CD’s sat in my console. The only thing different was the cigarette hanging from my lips. After all, I had tried quitting so many times before. I just couldn’t seem to stick to it. M...
Version 1
10 Reviews
13 Comments
“Welcome home, sweetheart,” I said, pulling him into the house. “What do you think? Isn’t it wonderful?” Throughout the apartment there were shadows cast from the objects hanging from the ceiling. There were so many they looked like Christmas decorations. “You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re not really serious are you?” he said, stepping back. “Oh, I’m serious,” I said, barely glancing at him and locking the door behind us. “I’m deadly serious.” “It’s awfully dark. Can’t we turn a light on?” ...
Version 1
11 Reviews
6 Comments
I couldn't believe I got away with it. 'An accident,' they said. 'We're so sorry,' they said. 'We have no idea how such a thing could happen,' I was told. I just let them apologize and kept my mouth shut. Made sure that I shed the right amount of tears and I played the poor helpless victim in the whole situation. I smiled at the memory. It was amazing what a few acting classes could do, but I was getting ahead of myself. Let me explain. Geoff and I were dating for about three years, when he d...
Version 1
5 Reviews
3 Comments
'Bright, God, it’s so bright,' I thought, trying to shield my eyes. I stood at the end of the hallway. The light kept intensifying, even with my hands over my eyes I was blind. Yet, at the same time, it was as if I could see everything. I was very confused. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t able to walk away from it. It appeared to be trying to consume me. Everywhere I turned it was there. It didn’t take long for me to become accustomed to the light. A few minutes later I was able to remove ...
[ View all items ]
Reviews
I loved this piece. I was not only well written, it pulled me in as if I was watching it unfold. I smiled and laughed... Definitely a fav! Great work Keep it up!
At her and away from her is repetitive and a sentence fragment. A phosphorescent human Chinese paper couple things with this sentence and the part that immediately follows... The same question that was Adam’s both are sentence fragments. One major thing you may want to watch for is choosing words that will send your reader scrambling for a dictionary. If they have to keep doing it they'll just put the story down and you don't want that to happen. Your story has a lot of potential. Tree and _ ...
Nice way to open up the story. It pulls the reader in and makes them feel like they're meeting a new friend. Well done. Since this is just the introduction, you do well on detailing. Not too much that the reader gets overwhelmed, but not too little it doesn't interest the reader. There are quite a few punctuation problems. Mostly missing commas but I saw on your write up that you're not ready for that input yet, so I'll just suggest taking another look at it. Keep up the good work. I look for...
Watch spelling, you've got a couple words together that should be separated... for example; winmodems should be 2 words. Watch using caps. It makes the reader feel yelled at. Try using italics instead. (I'm also taking into consideration that it could just be the site turning italics into caps) This is actually a good concept for a story. I would double check your punctuation for missing commas and make sure not to put "and" or "but" at the beginning of sentences. This is allowed in dialogue ...
responsibilities very seriously and adopted needs a comma after seriously where you have his "superiors'" thinking about him you need an apostrophe after the s, unless you're meaning the thought of a superior. emigrate should be immigrate Watch run on sentences (such as in the paragraph...The fact that no one ) Watch using caps which I'm assuming could just be a site thing) on your main copy you should put words you want emphasis on and thoughts in italics. This gives the emphasis you want wi...
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People













