Treatsa's profile

I like the name Kate Thornton. It's a perfect name for a romance. I also like the opening. Something that most women can relate to. I'm also craving pulled-pork sandwiches. Good stuff. I don't much care for this sentence, "Clearly a tourist, ... accent." You can hear the accent in the dialogue and the tag is very telling. How about, "she gum-smacked in her sharp New Jersey accent." We'll get the tourist part. "different little pockets" - cut different. it's implied. "Occasional streaks of sun...

It's a little too straight forward. Instructions were not included. I'm doomed. Or something more 'outside the box' would help you.

Beautifully written, your narrative voice is perfect. Well done. Critiques? When you talk about the waitress there are a few mentions of 'fascination', 'fantasizing', and you say, 'my fourteen...mind', and 'adolescent mind' all tightly together. It is the only section that feels like repeating information. The father. What kind of dad smokes pot, talks about chakras, sits in full lotus, and hates his son? Seems like a mention of having bi-polar disorder or some other illness (other than alcoh...

Well done. Very interesting and engaging. You missed italicizing some of Chris's thoughts "Well, thought Chris. I tried" which feels inconsistent given all his other thoughts are italicized. " _It’s only murder_ " - It's doesn't need caps after the ellipses. I think Marvin will like it.