Doors are used as metaphors quite often, and it gets old after a while. If you wish to present meaningful poetry, your metaphors should be fresh and vivid. This poem presents no new metaphors or imagery. Your writing, here, is clearly about a past relationship, but there are no clear details about it; there is nothing for me to walk away with. "Earth" needs to be capitalized, also.

The most lyrically destitute emo bands would be challenged to come up with lyrics more cliché than this. Let's look line by line. "I need you to cry Need you to feel Something for me I’m sick of this life" I get the idea that you're really depressed and that you want me to feel for you. I don't sense any complexity, any nuance, to your emotions. "Of being the only one who bleeds" Never, ever use blood as a metaphor unless it is truly called for. This comes right out of a teenage girl's diary....

In many cases, you use emotionally powerful descriptions. I enjoyed this: "He could feel it. He could feel the adrenaline pumping and the ideas churning. It would be he who was a giant." I also enjoyed the ending, which portrays the smugness the character feels after achieving his goal. Unfortunately, your story is essentially devoid of dialogue. This is a horrible mistake, especially in a fast-paced story such as this. Get those characters talking! I do not quite understand the relationship ...

I enjoyed your use of imagery. This was good: "Rolling golden with the rhythm Of an ever blinking eye Sailing currents on the ocean Riding waves within the sky" My main objection to this poem is its simplistic rhyme scheme. This seems excessively sing-song: "From the vapors of the haze Precious favor of the heavens Giving forth perfecting rays" Ugh! You don't need to rhyme perfectly like that! Lastly, I find the sexual nature of your finishing line too much of a contrast with the rest of your...

I think that you're reasonably good at creating imagery. Unfortunately, that imagery is still of the same-old-same-old: "I heard a distant songbird sing On a night the moon was full, and big" Songbirds and full moons? Heard it all before, mate. "You promised me that you’d be there You swore to me that you really cared" Sounds like somebody whining about a breakup. Nothing interesting in these lines. "It’s song was sad, but I felt better I wasn’t alone, as I read the letter" Cheesy rhyme! "It’...

I actualled laughed a little at the thought of a diamond being kicked around its anger growing "like a weed". However, lines like "it’s a very pretty marble that shouldn’t be played with" were too obvious. So was your ending. If you want to talk about how we're harming the environment, you've got to try something less simplistic than this.

I feel like your words reflect your personal experiences. This is a feeling that I don't get from most other poetry on Urbis. There are no glaring flaws in your writing. Some of your lines don't convey the emotions that I think that you want to. When you say "because they were just small people," you make it seem that it was their size that made you think that they would do what you say. That isn't really true; it was the fact that you were their father. You don't feel entitled to tell your n...

You use repetition very effectively - don't let anybody tell you that you say something too many times. My main objection is to your keeping of the rhythm. If you read it alloud, you will see that it is difficult to keep a steady tone throughout the poem.

I think that your rhythm is a bit off. The following line is difficult to read cleanly: "in life a thing a blight in dreams a queen an angel" Try to make the lines mesh a little better. You create imagery rather well; I had a sense of what you were trying to portray.