Valencia_Rodallec's profile
AGE:
28
LOC: Long Beach, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 31
LOC: Long Beach, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 31
I’m the guy on the left. The guy on the right side is a childhood friend of mine, Carlo, also a writer, who just recently passed away.
I’m an English Lit and Creative Writing double-major at CSULB in Southern California.
I am half-french, half-bolivian, and I was born and raised in Sweden.
I spoke four languages fluently by the age of 8: French, English, Swedish and Spanish – naturally I take advantage of it in my writing. Went to Catholic school, then the English school of my city, then public school, then natural sciences high-school, then the university of Gothenburg where I studied History and then French (in Lyon), after that I left for the U.S. where I now study at Calstate Long Beach.
I have tra…
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Version 1
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Time slowly thaws. Shadows of leaves under moon- light, cast on a bleak surface: movement ...
Version 1
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Enfance Perdue Je cherche des mots : dans les ruisseaux de Bretagne, en traversant les champs de la campagne, en marchant sur les petits chemins, à travers colline sur montagne noir ; où mon enfance, décroché de mon âme, marche en sourire jusqu'à mon retour a la maison de Mamie
Version 4
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Food You eat tonight Your belly's big, it’s been for long This is a good night Such a delight And never did you wrong You eat tonight You're having your last bite, the world it moves along — This was a good night The sun shines bright It stays too long You eat tonight? &n...
Version 2
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Kenavo Avechal Mam-Goz I read my letter of goodbye to you – a eulogy Held up by my sisters on both sides Cried by my mother in the front row Shaking as my tears won’t stop I was only ever strong with your love From the precious fragment of your stunning legacy that lives on in my brain, I realize that I will never equal you, even when my greatest moments come… Mamie – Mam-Goz - Ma Bro Le jour de ta mort je n’ai pas pu pleurer Petite Mamie – Très chère Mamie – Mamie bien-aimé – Je t’aime Mamie...
Version 9
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“Him, They, Guilt and God” - Fear is not knowing. - As The Painter’s water he’s many colours flushed too (I.) Born apple-taste still lingering in his throat, calling up memories and guilt not his Trying to break colonnades of Philistean stands, with cut-off hair that never gave him strength Hanging from a tree without having seen The Light that promised eternal was sold in silver and still grants no end in sight Built sandcastles in Bretagne, where innocence left footprints on the beaches of ...
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I know you don't want "bitchin" about your figures,but try creating some more space betwen where thay are presented so that the reader has time to appreciate one before another comes along right away. Does that make sense? I like the Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy feel that this prologue gives me. I expect a lot, because the presentation style is very dramatic. You were wondering whether you should plunge into action right away. Well, do you mean in media res or right where the action takes ...
Commenting from a poetry perspective: Don't quite understand the meaning of this piece. Where do Cathy, Elizabeth and Grace come from, am I missing an allusion to something? The title makes me think it's about the month, and then I realise it isn't. "Her breath smells like children" - this is a creepy line, because I'm not sure whether it's perverted or motherly. The forth line: "it's never dark here..." and so on is my favorite. Especially the "she looks wild" part. You lost me, not because ...
I am very much of this opinion. I think that any deeper thinking about the self and empathy will reveal the unity of what we perceive as the individual. It all breaks down to what we are connected to. These are without doubt wise words, but if you are trying to reach someone through this I would think that excluding religious references might help, although they are wise words from a wise man. Anyone not inclined towards that specific belief might be discouraged by its presence. I don't know ...
The best advice I could give you right now would be to only capitalize begginings of sentences. This I think will add some clarity to you poem. I hope that helps. :-)
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