Valiantdie1z's profile

Valiantdie1z avatar
AGE: 21
LOC: Santa Rosa, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: February 02

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Poetry / Passing
Version 1
14 Reviews   2 Comments
Painful eloquence The empty boots The helmet resting on the gun That is now silent Flag draped coffin Sound of “Taps” Resolute guard Tear-stained faces The mother’s son The daughter’s father A life snuffed out Laughter gone Twenty-one guns Salute open sky Honor amidst pain Strength amidst sorrow White cross Brown dirt Soldier laid to rest In peace forevermore
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / If I Were
Version 1
9 Reviews   3 Comments
And if I were a bird I should fly far, far, away forgetting the emptiness of my former life Soaring, always soaring in search of new horizons careful not to fly to close to the sun lest my wings should melt and I perish And if I were a stallion I would have no rider but live wild and free with no man to tame me Running, always running never looking back always going forward across the unshorn fields And if I were a dolphin I would glide through the water feeling the ocean surround me as I wen...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
6 Reviews   3 Comments
The Best Day of My Life To the average person, it was just another normal Saturday in November. To cross-country runners who were part of California’s North Coast Section it was the date of one of the most important races of the year- the section meet. To our entire team, but particularly the boys, it was a BIG day. A day the boys had worked hard for nearly six months. A day they had seen in the distance in years past and were trying so hard to reach. A day when all their cards were on the t...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
The Best Day of My Life To the average person, it was just another normal Saturday in November. To cross-country runners who were part of California’s North Coast Section it was the date of one of the most important races of the year- the section meet. To our entire team, but particularly the boys, it was a BIG day. A day the boys had worked hard for nearly six months. A day they had seen in the distance in years past and were trying so hard to reach. A day when all their cards were on the t...
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / Scribbling...
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
Scribble away with pen and paper Scribble away with life and love and leave me not to understand the path that falls beyond the shore Am I to reign as hapless wanderer Or as a king to stay alone? Where are we but to have another when all our bonny wars are won Pass we not by such places daily and enter longingly undone caring less for pen and paper and dreaming instead for reality Who are we but empty vessels turned and formed as was the earth left to carry others burdens when we can barely m...
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Reviews
Poetry / Still
Locked
Non-fiction / Six Words
Hey this a great six word memoir idea. You capture a lot in those six not-so-little words! Check your spelling though...other than that great job!
Quotes / Publication.
Locked
Poetry / STRESSED
Hey that's awesome that you are going to start up writing! I always encourage people who are just starting out. It really frees your soul. As far as your poem, there are a few spelling errors that could be fixed. You might want to change the poem into more stanzas; you have enough words to do so. Also the sit/stand bit is repetitive in it's current format, but I think if you switched it around it would sound fine. Keep up the writing!
I really like the direction this poem is going, however there are a few lines that I think could use a little work. For example the line "Be ahead the mind thought and said" sounds a little confusing, maybe if you put "Be ahead" in quotations it would be more distinct. I don't like the "clone the cells" part of the second to last line either, because it seems to interrupt the flow of the poem. Overall though, I look forward to seeing more your work. Good job!
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