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VanCleefandUnwell's profile
AGE:
25
LOC: Staten Island, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 19
LOC: Staten Island, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 19
Staten Island, NY. Recently graduated from Hunter College. Listless and lazy, but ambitious. Historical (costumed!) interpreter in Historic Richmondtown Village. Pynchon, Nabokov, Melville, Salinger, Tolkein, Le Guin, Milne, Frost.
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Version 1
5 Reviews
0 Comments
I was going to take a walk out through the cardinal boardwalk along the swamp today. But it was too sunny and cold. Jim said that the bogcats were out anyway. Instead i stayed inside with Caroline who rocked me to sleep and earlier kept me awake with delicious nothings that she painted on my kitchen wall. My favorite was of a kitten. It had green eyes and was dripping blood from its stomache, but this kind of unfriendliness was mitigated. There was a small angel above the kitten that was goin...
Version 1
4 Reviews
0 Comments
It was raining a hackneyed cold pouring rain, the kind that gave the mood to not a few old Hollywood movies, but nobody minded much because it was summer and the temperature had been hitting records. I was in the bus shelter wedged on a bench between Joe and Tommy, prepubescent brothers whose hatred reminded me of the kind of rivalry found between two countries that have shared the same border for thousands of years, with Joe playing, say, Russia, to Tommy’s Poland. Periodically their frontie...
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Reviews
I liked this story, but I would've liked to have seen more background on the character. I like not knowing about him and learning from his actions and thoughts, but I need some motivation as to why he is creating this painting. And maybe just knowing what he's like would also be interesting. Basically: why do they think they're a great artist, why are they suddenly creating a painting (and a single one at that). This one is a bit too flowery: "The sun began to run away from the moon." It does...
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Too many unnecessary details. Details are good, but not when they whey down the plot. A nice plot turn at the end, but the story definitely needs to be longer. To be drawn in takes time. Read some Hemingway or Ray Carver for some guide-lines to minimalism.
I think people are clear on either one of these "Union of Soviet Socialist Republics, or the Soviet Union," so unless they're a special audience whom you would be afraid of offending, you might want to just pick one of these and not break the flow of your speech with this irritating techincality. I don't think "such as" is correct here: "nations such as China." Better to use "Many nations, notably..." "Such weapons that may only be a" should be "weapons which may be," is that right? You might...
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