Venusinfur's profile
AGE:
21
LOC: Virginia Beach, VA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 04
LOC: Virginia Beach, VA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 04
Hello it is me. I like garage rock from the sixties and seventies, jazz, art, comicbooks, and of course poetry.
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I choose to not leave this life to escape inborn illness. I choose not to leave to escape the ones I have caught along the way. I choose not to leave to escape the ones I have yet to catch. If I choose to go it will be an escape from immunity. The dissease you know as the mundane. The pain that dies under your skin while trying to infect you. This is what makes me want to pack my bags into that hearse. I don't know if I think things through enough to be a liar. I'm a liar. I'm a liar. I'm a l...
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Flies with spit sans wings Cool is the rage but it inspires less pity Than what a giant male mosquito brings Who knows why he thirsts like he’s expecting Maybe no one would listen For every ear given There is a million earfuls worth of criticism And the reason for his vampirism Is all due to confusion over the gender god had given him eager to pounce tipin' and a tumblin' a love letter in a forty ounce with a carved out bottom sitting betwixt the estrous a hellish anestrum expression through ...
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The spir-it of the age is a sto-len gen-er-a-tion run-ning a-gainst the shad-ows of the rab-bit proof fenc-es the on-ly thing I’m feel-ing Is eve-ry-thing in-hu-man Because you Bred the self to ex-tinc-tion Because I Hot wired the drives ig-ni-tion Because he Ob-scured the ob-ject from vi-sion Because she Threw E-go in-to a fish bowl and fed it to o-bliv-i-on The spir-it of the age is a sto-len gen-er-a-tion run-ning a-gainst the shad-ows of the rab-bit proof fenc-es
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I am sitting here writing as I am. I am writing... afraid to break from the pull. Gravity... a need to permutate. All of my errors in life and verse intact. I am here. One thirty one am... Seasonal Affective Disorder is all in my mind. Anointed ghost mushroom god metabolize my brain. Light. Kill melatonin. Restore my libido. Take me out of this cave. Bring me songs of territory and courtship. Good isn't form. Its the light that shines through... Everyone with fingers is a hack. I am not stone...
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Three Sheets to the Wind Now the wind-mills tilt on-ly at my will dance all and sun-dry Three Sheets to the Wind Now the wind-mills tilt We is one o-ver the eight let black shuck see the rab-bit 'cus my vi-sion a-in’t straight on-ly sane out of hab-it but I’d be so vir-tu-ous if I had known how to wait saw some-thing aw-ful the worlds true col-or it left me tap-ping my shoes to-geth-er Just to bring it back back to se-pi-a I wish I was met-al A brass at-las re-sting on four, re-sting on nine,...
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I couldn't decide if I should say this poem demonstrates the beauty of simplicity or if it is only deceptively simple. This song reminds me a lot of Woody Guthrie's children songs. You have some good word play that doesn't veer away from the songs form. As if you knowingly decided to put only the more abstract concepts in the bridge. You show a great intuition of how a song form works by keeping it cohesive and allowing the last verse refer back to the first. This song is more than well done.
No buts about it you belong in the spoken tradition. I noticed that the spacing was literally perfect the second time I looked over it. Monkey toes is brilliant. You jump from the ultra poetic into monkey toes. That has to be one of the best emotional modulations in verse I have ever read. Thank you.
Or why control stays a stranger to soul. I don't understand that line. Other than that I really enjoyed it. A tad long though... It would be a good jam song like Velvet Underground's European son mixed with the mysterious bells and verse of Leonerd Cohen's Sisters of Mercy. Oh and "who, void of warning erupts noon and morning" would be a great gut bucket blues limeric.
It might be a decent performance piece but some of the lines are pretty unforgivable. Sky diving without a parachute? I know you can do better than that. You have natural sprung rhythm and angst so why do you waste it on lines like that?
I liked it and I could really feel all those S alliterations. It doesn't need to be any longer but it does feel like it needs to find a home in a larger work. Much like the one mentioned in the note to the reviewer.
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