VivianGirl's profile

Ouch. That hurts. I really like the style, the tone and the format of this poem--it's very "muscular." This line in particular really works for me, because it is specific and it evokes an emotional accuracy the reader can relate to: (or at least I can :) "His cruel heart, now reduced to quickening, breathless denial, watches you, sitting across the smoky room, your hand on another’s thigh; your lips on another’s mouth. Not his." The mention of the "tattered napkin" also works for me. I'm not ...

First, let me say how envious I am of your wife. :) What a lucky woman. When I read the title of this piece, I thought for sure I was about to read another love poem full of tired cliches and syrupy sweetness. I was "beyond" grateful and surprised to find this gem. I like your use of contemporary examples that set this prose in a particular time and give it a modern texture. The mention for instance, of Gap sweatshops and Snoop Dogg hooks give this piece a sort of "beatnik," urban-spoken-word...

I think this is a very well written piece. First of you do an excellent job of giving the reader something to sink their teeth into, plenty of concrete imagery. For instance, instead of just saying cigarrette butts, you actually name the brand. You mention the exact amount of money given to your subject. But my favorite line is "I lean into the window of the man with my living in his pocket." That is just perfect. The mentioning of the incomplete sign is just stellar.