W_L_Carter's profile

W_L_Carter avatar
AGE: 21
LOC: Sun City, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 22
Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Flash Fiction / For Three Minutes
Version 1
4 Reviews   1 Comment
His hand dragged across the wall, searching in the dark for a switch. When the switch snagged between his fingers he took a deep breath, a mix of musky cologne and stale food filled his lungs, and he stepped foot into the room. The light flickered as if it were shy, once, twice, then in one great effort revealed every inch of filth in the apartment. The brightness burnt into his eyes and after a white blindness faded, a blue filter clouded his vision. Stepping over dirty clothes and unwashed ...
Ratings & Rankings
 Plus-button Clarity
Short Story / The Institution
Version 1
3 Reviews   1 Comment
I         “If ever a more esoteric place existed, then surely I would call it heaven and hell.” he remarked, holding open a small notebook in his palm, and a pen on his lip. Gregor gazed down to the caterpillar crawling by, his body fallen against a cherry tree in the Greenhouse Garden. Of all the structures in The Institution -including the Pub and the Theatre- he enjoyed the Garden most; structures such as the Catharsis brought pleasure to no one. &...
Ratings & Rankings
 Plus-button Clarity
Reviews
Short Story / The Executioner Steps In
I noticed a lot of "had" or "has". Lots of passive words that often may be replaced by active words or taken out all together. A few examples from the first few paragraphs are... "I had been praying" "I had to know" "I had never been" "may have tricked me" It's the whole, showing, not telling idea. All the could have, should have been, might be, can be replaced by stronger words that create a better flow and stronger imagery. I like the dream, and I would really like to be placed into more. I...
This was not only entertaining but a rather good idea. I think someone should do it ^_^ The pace is working very well for you. I like how you develop characters almost entirely through dialog.
Short Story / Concussion
Just a small error I noticed- "that had apparently been fire at us," , as opposed to fired at us. Also, I noticed a bit of passive language that can easily be changed. Things like..."Blackhawk helicopter was a roar in my ears". Blackhawk helicopter roared in my ears works just fine. You use "was" and "had" quite a bit, when you can simply take the words out, change the verb if you have to, and it reads smoother. I liked your use of military jargon, because it gives me then sense that this is ...
Flash Fiction / I Will Stay Here
I like the details you use to create imagery. "She saws her strings ", "down the cobblestone street", "day of spitting rain". If you could get the reader to hear the music with the character -such as describing the sounds more- it would help the story.
Poetry / Love Struck
I like the first two lines the most. It gave me great imagery quickly and ironically enough it gives me a feel of war. I enjoy your use of language as well. I am confused though about the mention of Achilles heel. Is it referring to love being a weakness? Good job.
Favorites
ITEMS (1)

 

Poetry / Love Struck

[ View all ]

People