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LAST LOGIN: April 03
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Set the glass, get the stash of beer and wine I will ask that you not lack attention and to please spare some time This is a call for you all, to gather for the revolution I do ask please do not stall or withdraw from our evolution Pour a glass, from the stash and listen closely If we are to save ourselves, we must be open and kindly For our revolution, we seek honest contributions For our evolution, we need to see through our institutions Raise the glass, from the stash and pay attention to ...
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After the Storm By Eric Wind ©2009 EXT. - SANDY BEACH - DUSK The sun is going down and there is a couple that are rolling around the sand, having a good time laughing. Waves come and go as the sun sets behind storm clouds. Off in the distance, there are faint flashes of lightning. The couple are oblivious. INT. - RADIO STATION (98.5 KSAS) Shift change. The previous DJ packs her things and gets ready to leave, while the night’s DJ preps for his show. Sitting across from the microp...
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I enjoyed the use of imagery, but I'm not sure what the message was. Your word choice was good for the most part. I'd look more at trying to see if you can build a message into the poem, or make it into a story.
I would tone down the cursing just a bit. Maybe I have to go and read some of the other chapters, but it just seems to me that it turns out just a bit juvenile at the beginning. Other than that, this is a good piece of writing, and you definately have an unpolished style. I'd keep on writing studies just to hone it.
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