WaywardSonRising's profile
AGE:
24
LOC: Texarkana, AR
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: March 14
LOC: Texarkana, AR
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: March 14
My name is Dustin Jones, I live in Texarkana, Arkansas and i don’t sleep much. Pretty opinionated and possibly talented, but i’ll let you be the judge of that. no real accomplishments under my belt, just a fan of reading, and i like putting pen to paper on occasion.
Items
Version 1
9 Reviews
1 Comment
Curiosity may have killed the cat, but naivety kills people.
Version 1
11 Reviews
6 Comments
Crows scattered when we came upon the first corpse, a wiry maid of twelve or so, maybe younger. We found her sprawled out just off the roadside in a patch of mud and wild grass, the earth around her all muddy and torn by horse’s hooves. Her only clothing was a bloodstained dress sewn from dirty roughspun and that had been hiked up past her waist. Her hair fell across her pale face in a thick, mousy tangle, crusted and matted with blood from the head blow that killed her. “Sh...
Version 1
10 Reviews
6 Comments
A lone man paces along the quiet, white hallway. Tension eats at his nerves, sweat slicks the palms of his hands. Behind locked doors a woman screams. He jumps, bits his fingernails, continues pacing. She screams again, blood curdling. _It wasn’t supposed to be this way_, thinks the man. The screams won’t stop, and minutes drag by like hours. Footfalls echo down the empty, white hall. The locked doors click and open wide. A new man steps out, all dressed in white. Blood stains his gloved han...
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
“Are you sure this is the place?” Grady asked. The tavern was suspiciously small, and far on the wrong side of town. “Of course this is the place,” Osferd laughed. “What were you expecting?” The little tavern sat squat between two other establishments, both just as sleazy. Dingy yellow light leaked out from its stained windows, and old tar stains blotted its warped roof. A crude sign hung above the door by rusted chains. _The Happy Tavern_, the sign read in crude brushstrokes, _Where Every H...
Version 2
5 Reviews
1 Comment
Wind whispered through the dark leaves overhead, and branches creaked at its passing. Even as the sound came rustling by the air felt lifeless and dead, and the taste of ash crept deep into his throat. Vahris spat once, the again, and wiped at his tongue with his tunic, but still the taste was strong. The taste of fire was one he knew well enough. He had brought it to all of the Free Cities in turn, from Warsong in the north with its round holdfasts of rough hewn stone, all the way south to ...
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Reviews
good take on an old adage. and very true, as anyone married for any length of time can atest to. suggestion- i would put a comma after "love", but then again, ive been known to grossly overuse commas.
very good- the most impressive part of this piece was the voice in which you've written it. it feels solid. flows well, and doesn't come across as forced at all. nice job. there are some grammatical errors (i.e.- "ahhh the drama of adolescence." should start a new sentence) but nothing so major it takes away from the piece. also impressive, and a little more subtle, is the way you handle information. we already know enough about your character to connect to her and see her personality and you...
so, did you write this in a coffee shop? overall, i give this a solid "not bad". you definitely captured the feeling of "malaise", so as a snapshot piece it works pretty well. the only line i saw that really jumped out at me and stopped me from reading was "Because there are like..."- personally i would cut the word "like". maybe its just me, but it just didn't seem to fit, a little gripe, i know, but the devils in the details. i thought the lines "I don't know who and what she is. But I know...
good stuff- i would keep reading this for sure. the only line that i felt needed any critiquing was the first one. im just not sure "like since forgotten cave scriptures" fits at the end of this sentance, just because its talking about the figures, not the candlelight. it may read a little smoother as "The abandoned little girl slid her fingers down the wall, painting figures like since forgotten cave scriptures with her own blood in the flickering candlelight", but im not sure. the cave scri...
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