("you mite see this story" - "might") "my brothers intentions" - "brothers' intentions" comma after "seen it coming" "never did I wanted to believe" - "want" "initiatives eventually takes" - either "initiatives... take" or "initiative... takes" - I'm not sure what you mean by "initiatives" anyway in this sentence. Do you maybe mean "instincts" instead? "Afterwords" - "Afterwards" "war as been going on" - "had been" comma after "victory was close" "Sometimes a just want" - "...I just..." "my c...

"collection of nothingness" - "Collection" doesn't seem like the right word here. How can you have a collection made of a single thing? "I took a step forward, It plunged through the air." - semicolon or period, not comma, after "forward" - don't capitalize "it" unless you're starting a new sentence (since you've not capitalized that word when referring to the nothingness elsewhere) "it would be rough" - a bit too colloquial for the rest of the narration Outnumbered? By a single thing? Maybe ...

Some of these made me cringe, because I've actually seen reviews like them - received reviews a lot like them, although never for a 6-word memoir. (Won't even review 'em, much less write 'em.) Parody works best when the thing being parodied is easily recognizable, and you've got that part down perfectly. Especially the one from the "Russian." We all know which Urbisite inspired this one, and he's always good for a laugh.

comma after "get off the road" semicolon or period, not comma, after "earth tone everywhere" "grease drenched food" - "gease-drenched" "Hey hun" - comma after "Hey" and after "hun" "glass topped bar" - "glass-topped" semicolon or period, not comma, after "looked at the menu" comma after "then changed her mind" period, not comma, after "to make friends" semicolon or period, not comma, after "wanted her to see that" "you do have grapefruit" - "You" "That's all then" - comma after "all" "her ann...

First, you need to remember to put a space after every comma; not doing so makes for difficult reading. You also need a double space after every period or other end punctuation. "this has never happened" - Unless you intend to write the entire story in present tense (which it doesn't look like), this should be "had never happened." "idea to how this happened" - "idea as to how this happened" or " idea about how this happened" "more test" - "more tests" "Cj" - "CJ" "eeryone" - "everyone" "a ps...

comma after "the morning baking" "10 miles north" - "ten" "first century beginnings" - I think "first century" should be hypenated in this usage, but I'm not certain. "they waited, for the sounds" - no comma "eight year-old Jamil" - "Eight-year-old" "For the third time Ahmed" - comma after "time" "Western rise" - don't capitalize "western" in this usage "Yalla, No dawdling" - don't capitalize "no" "so faint Karim and Ahmed" - "so faintly that" "My rifle Karim!" - comma after "rifle" "Come now...

"The coat, was long, and green and billowing." - no comma after "coat" or after "long" no comma after "unique styling" comma after "underweave" and after "gentle breeze" "a friends launch party" - "friend's" I like how you focus on the character's attire before you tell us anything else about him. It's the interesting details, I think, that make it work. "knuckle whitening force" - "knuckle-whitening" "leaf green fingernails" - "leaf-green" "self loathing" - hyphenate "Half whispered snarls" ...

"dessert fields" - "desert" period, not colon, after "to drink from" "lied there inanimate" - "lay" comma after "found you" no comma after "in my arms" comma, not semicolon, after "into my eyes" It's not a story, but it is an interesting scene. I can imagine it as part of a dream sequence or even as a story set in a place where these things (demise of the sun, bedlam in the twilight) are literally true. I don't think it is publishable as it is, nor are you likely to find an agent or publisher...

don't need quotes around DELAYED "Gentleman’s Quarterly" - italicize (title of magazine) "membership to the mile-high club" - "membership in" "what he considered--not just a complication—but a major fuck-up" - no dashes "New York Times" - italicze no comma after "but actually" "its once neat twist" - "once-neat" no comma after "Tennessee hills farm" "wider world—which, up to now—she’d read about only in books" - "wider world which - up to now - she'd only read about in books" "_In_ fact, she'...

"his father mother" - "father's mother" "to tell be" - "to tell me" comma after "four hours" no single quotes around "X" - capitalize comma after "that I was one" "Though, I had never" - no comma comma after "jewelry off" "I had woke up" - "I had woken up" comma after "In all my life" semicolon or period, not comma, after "that lived that life" "seemed skew" - "skewed" comma after "during my musings" "sun had rose" - "sun had risen" comma after "I was concerned" "My mothers’ voice" - "my moth...