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LAST LOGIN: April 24
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Version 1
10 Reviews
3 Comments
“Smile” The machine beeped. Susan wasn't sure exactly what it did, but to listen to the doctors, it was quite important. It beeped every so often, and there were lines going across it in zig-zags. She was pretty sure it had to do with her heart. Susan is dying. Not in the existential “everyone shall shuffle off” way, More in the “life is going to end quickly and suddenly” way. A clot had formed in her artery. “Probably all that McDonald's”, she thought. It had made life difficult, right up u...
Version 1
14 Reviews
0 Comments
Jason sat Alone. For over an hour now, at least. He was reading a book, filled from cover to glossy cover with an abundance of stories. Moreso, the authors interpretations of stories. And the meaning, and the power therein. It was hot out. Not just hot, the word is too mild. It was the kind of weather that needed a metaphor, something starting with sweat and ending in sticking to something shiny. The sun shone, everyone seemed to glisten, that sort of thing. Jason considered it a great ustice...
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Reviews
Man oh man, this is heavy. Extremely serious compared to the body of work i read on this site. This is not a bad thing, mind you. This beginning seemed pretty straightforward, though I am interested in an asian working for russis. Continue onward, sir.
This is literate, and the flow of writing is pretty spot on. Which is good, because the lack of erors for the eye to get caught up on makes it easy to take in th rather grotesque events unvolding in front of you while reading this. Let me tell you. 7:30 in the morning, hell of a time to read about people getting felli-vicerated. (I think I just made that up) Though, I am interested in the story now, thats for sure. Good Job.
I like this. it tells a story, and has a pretty decent grasp of dialouge, which is more than I can say for most stories.
At the end, is Murphy going to kill Rosenkrantz? I'm just curious. This is too disjointed, to everywhere all at once to bear cohesion. Where does the baby fit in? This story reminds me of driving by a car crash. That how I feel for the narrator here. He is driving by, watching the ambulance, but is unable to help as the victims bleed out on the gurney. Also, near the beginning, are you going to a screenplay effect? It seems like you're giving stage directions.
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I have to say, I've become pretty jaded when it comes to high fantasy. Over time, it sems to me like the genre is tired, working on a basis of dime a dozen scenes and acts and cookie cutter wizards and warriors. Let me say then, that the fact that I was able to read this and not feel bored or like I was wasting my time is tremendous. The story feels fresh, and the scenery is there to be admired. This ahs alot of potential to open up into an interesting world, with the modern nods and the anac...
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