WritingMommy's profile
AGE:
34
LOC: Spokane, WA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 20
LOC: Spokane, WA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 20
Being the luckiest woman in the world, I have 4 beautiful children and a husband who is not only my best friend, but my hero. I am 29.95 + tax, ok, not really, I am 33. sigh I have always written various things for personal pleasure and as a way of figuring out the world around me. Within the last few years I have decided to spread my wings a bit so to speak to see what I can do. My first publishing credit was in the FaithWriters Magazine in January 2006. I have done various ad copy projects for work. I like to write poetry mostly for myself, but I am delving into other areas to see where it takes me. I would love to meet other people on the same journey.
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On the verge of something... something...
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Version 2
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The perfect ending always interru... "Mom!"
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Version 1
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The perfect ending always interru..."Mom!"
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Version 1
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On the verge of something...something...
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Version 1
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Half-told stories turn into paper airplanes.
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Overall very well done. You have nice imagery. I was right there with you feeling the heartache. I would suggest maybe a comma here instead of a period? "...hoping to catch that one Killing Joke video. Desperately wishing we didn’t live in such a musical backwater." Just a thought on that one. Also, there are the run on sentences like you said there would be, most of them are fine yet it seems they would be well served being broken up a bit as well? Is there a reason why you wanted it that wa...
Wow, I knew something was up, but you caught me off guard with that last line. Well done. There was a typo where the boy says he hates the nighttime. It says 'because you're never THAT to protect me anymore.' Otherwise, well done.
Wow! That is quite a powerful message for such a short story. Very well done! The only thing I would consider changing, and its not a big deal either way, would be in the first line. "He wore a black knit hat that was unraveled..." I would change to take out "that was". May read a bit easier, no big though. Well done!
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