"...fantasying..." Fantasizing Go back through with an eye for past vs present tense... you have some mixes this time around. "...lye chest opened..." laid, chest open. Lye in a chest wound would be VERY bad. "We are also into Rock..." Instead of Rock (which shouldn't be capitalized) maybe "music" or if you must name a genre "rock n roll". Although every gay kid I have ever known was more techno, club or pop. "I felt his relationship..." go with I KNEW or I was certain... felt is technically ...

LOL... Brilliant hook. "...who found difficulty meeting..." who HAD diffculty or who found IT DIFFICULT But truth be told there are so many Christian dating sites and organizations that seems an unlikely motivation.

Capitalize "Hi" You do this with quoted material through out. "...but that was an unspoken..." but THERE was... "...just like a sister though, however ..." you don't need "though" here. "...brain connected, “three days.” I mumbled. The amount..." period after connected, Capitalize "Three" comma after mumbled. "Now my curiosity is aroused." And you have switched from past tense to present tense. Next sentence goes back to past tense. This is a very sweet little story. Probably more flash ficti...

Excellent outline.. now make flesh it out to 1500 words... J/k

"...fair hair that waves gently to the middle of her back..." something about the use of "waves" here makes me think she is particularly hirsute, rather than having long hair. Maybe "brushes" or "reaches". A nice piece on the curiousity of other's motivations.

Other than not capitalizing "forgetting" this piece is letter perfect. Being version 3, that comes as no surprise

LOL... sort of a dirty trick to play on a reviewer, you know. My only real criticism here is to be consistent with "coats" you say "We have coats" and at the beach they take off their coats but they put on "jackets" with their sweaters and boots. "Jaynie favorite!" Jaynie's Very sweet. The last line could use a bit more oomph! for this age group. Maybe something like "Mom was right, being together really did make the BEST TIMES!"

“Alright you nag.” comma after alright. "Four months ago she delivered a beat down like one I had..." she HAD... NONE I had EVER. "...Stadium Farm, most were home..." Since you get guff for the shortness of your chapters you can afford a few words in places like this. "...Stadium Farm, since most of its residents were home..." or some such. "...nights doing the same for Wren." Slow down there, tiger. She hasn't stated she "lusts" after anyone. "...nights thinking of Wren." He sniffs the air f...

"wiji" Ouija HA! I love playing "Who am I?" If you are looking to pad this out you may consider adding some more voice over to the house part/drug section. You give yourself a nice opportunity with the Ouija board to give some foreshadowing or if you want to give him a bigger let down to give him a rosy future prediction. Another opportunity which is may be a little tired is to have him digging around for interview clothes. Being to broke to buy new ones is a fairly standard graduate issue. H...

Two great benchmarks but I expected this to somehow encompass more from the title.