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Yotna's profile
AGE:
54
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: March 31
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: March 31
I’m a 50 something (yup another damn baby boomer) hominid form the UK.
I both write and produce 3D Art. Much of my work is erotic and as such will not be seen here.
My influences are many, and most of them are too personal to mean anything to anyone else. The ones I will cite are:
John Lennon who wrote the words I always wanted to.
Eric Clapton who still plays guitar in a way I wish I could even mimic.
Salvador Dali for his unique take on the unreality of reality.
You can find me and my stuff here:
www.yotnasden.co.uk Bring an open mind with you :)
Items
Version 1
4 Reviews
0 Comments
The Blackest Hole chapter three. ---------------------------------------------------------------- It is time to move on, it is always time; never do I rest for long. My existence is fluid, evolving slowly towards its ultimate end. The end that cannot come too soon. It just may come too late. At least my journey is short, from one monolith to another. One amongst many, but this one is distinct. As I flow towards it, I adsorb the symbols... Twelve symbols, that suggest a beginning; yes here it ...
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Version 3
9 Reviews
9 Comments
The Blackest Hole From the vacuum of infinite darkness... I spark back into ... What? What do I call it? It is not life like it once was. At one time I was corporeal, whole. But that has ended. Prematurely as I recall. But that is gone now. I was, but I am no more. I am however back, to record; to witness. I reform continuously, I witness and I pass on. One day I will cease to exist. One day there will be no more to witness; it will be over. I long for that day with the wistfulness of one who...
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Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
Really nice Easter weekend in UK. Blossom buds are on our cherry tree (something I love to see) and soon the trees will change from their sad winter forms into the greenest garb of the year. Birds twitter and life unfurls from the shell of winter. All good stuff. In general I love spring weather; crisp and cool (and together with the tail end of autumn) my favourite time of year. But this unfurling wondrous growth brings with it several threats. Gardening; now I love nice well kept gardens as...
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Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
She added her angst to my disappointment We divided our understanding by our indifference I subtracted my ego from the argument We differentiated our relationship from our foolishness She integrated her passion with my desire We derived hope for equilibrium At last our equation was balanced. (C) Yotna El'toub 2007
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Version 2
3 Reviews
0 Comments
The Blackest Hole Chapter two. I recoil; a sudden jolt of energy rips my structure apart and pushes me away from the hull of the craft. We are one no longer, my molecules thread out, they twist and congeal. I reform; damaged but functional; ethereal but present. I gaze momentarily back watching dull sparks emit from the craft I was briefly co- joined with. It too is damaged. At last the emotion so well known to me dissipates. I am temporarily free of it. Fear. It is always fear. After all my ...
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Overall I am very impressed the writing has a lot of maturity. Unfortunately for me the weakest paragraph is the first. That is dangerous it is too easy to lose the reader in those first few seconds. Why do I say this? Well you say that Isadora found it easier to remain calm when her daughter interrupted her - yetin the next part of the sentence you use the word berated. To me that suggest something other than calm. The we have a nice couple of sentences, they verge toward hyperbole - but avo...
A fine piece of writing that brought goosebumps to me. My only critique's would be the one typo I saw and his surname, I don't know why but Rotto fits a hoodlum better than an accountant. Would be nice if you sorted out the formatting as well as these things detract. Despite this the quality of the writing earns a ten from me. Superb!
You almost seem to be writing something that would be better portrayed as a graphic novel, The reason I say this is that I can imagine this working better in that format. Writing 'action' and in particular fighting in the way you are concentrates too much of the story on that and losses the chance for any characterisation - the characterisation is there, and it's nice but the flow of it is lost. One fight scene accounts for 25% of the total chapter. When we are dealing with little imagery oth...
Cursed as I am to be A biologist I must mention the rabbit's and hare's are not the same thing... I understand the reason you have done this to avoid repetition of rabbit but it's inaccurate. The "Whatever it was thinking" Line is a good one but I think you repeat it too early, within a paragraph and it is too noticeable as a device. When this occurs later it is more natural. To me some of the sentences are over long with too much use of the comma. This does add a languid feel which is good b...
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