Zinkyre's profile
AGE:
23
LOC: Saint Petersburg, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 04
LOC: Saint Petersburg, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 04
In every life there must be balance to keep you alive. These things are my wife, house, job and the arts. I don’t only write I play instruments and listen to music.
“Judge my life by the many great things I’ve done, not the one thing I’ve done wrong.”
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Sit back and think for a minute. Literally, a minute. One minute later... Have you ever done something that you could see, hear and touch but had no control over? I hope you are saying yes because if you're not then this part won't mean anything to you. Before we were married, I used to go to Publix with my wife and get subs. Oh I love the italian! I'm getting hungry. We'd top it off with some cheesy pretzels and Publix Rhaspberry Iced Tea. Then she would drive us (I didn't have a car) t...
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George tapped impatiently on the display rolled out onto his desk making it beep annoyingly. He sat in a classroom full of other students listening intently at the teachers lesson, trying to ignore the tapping. One wall was all windows looking out into the main courtyard, the opposite side had posters that had sayings such as Excellence is earned. Or. Strive to be #1. The rear wall was crowded with displays that tickered the current progress of each student and the display of each desk. At t...
Version 3
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Hope Not With the floor nearly thirty feet below, escape is almost impossible from this twisted metal entrapment. Richard Byrne sits on a steel grate inside a metal cage suspended from the ceiling of a dungeon. Above him, the bustling city of London, what an odd place to have a temple devoted to torture. A worn piece of bone clutched in his trembling fingers. Scratching the ceiling, copying a set of similar scratches preceding his. Most of the scratches are centuries old. He spent hours plann...
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After breakfast James and Sam walked out the back door, passed the swing set and to a large stable. They owned two horses, Prometheus which belongs to James and Optimus which is still a pony that belongs to Samuel. “Prometheus you old boy.” James said soothingly towards his horse as he unlatched the gate and got his equipment ready. James raised the saddle but the horse recoiled and neighed in defiance. “All right, boy but we have to make it quick. I can’t spend the whole day brushing you, Sa...
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Dirty Byrd Do we really know when our hearts skip a beat? Green algae always grows on the railings of each landing at the Lynch estate. Sam was only eight but he was already tall enough to lean on the railing in front of his bedroom on the third flat. Ash trees line every road on the property, the biggest of which are on the main road into town. Great bunches of moss hang from the branches. A big maple drops annoying leaves on the doorstep. Samuel waits for a head and a horse to appear from u...
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Reviews
'Didn't you know how worried I am' is the one thing that sticks out at me. It's a sore thumb, a habit that is hard to break. I still do it too. Tenses, when and where to change them or which to use when. Brutally honest, the dialogue is weak and corny. The flow is even worse, I had to reread several parts just to follow the story. The biggest suggestion, work on describing the environment. You can say simple things like 'an office.' What happens when someone says 'a blue office.' It just got ...
Flow is a little weird in the beginning, maybe it's just me. Very good visual cues a 'glass table' instead of just a table. The Pantera shirt gives me an idea who these two are. It's just full of feelings and incidents that anyone can relate to. I enjoyed it severely.
Although it didn't make me laugh aloud, I did chuckle a little. The personalities are great, vivid and real. The situations are real and everyone can relate to most of the story. If you hit that niche of "40 something cool's" then they will certainly relate more than anyone. I kept getting people mixed up though, too many names at once I think. Overall 10/10
As a historian, or soon to be. I find your story amusing, it is refreshing to have an artistic point of view towards history. I can picture the Pila and Gladius because I know what they are and studied them in detail. But not all of your readers have so describing these weapons in detail would help. Also, consider an Asian reading about a Pict, they wouldn't know what to make of it. Finding a way to describe them is also key. You have a good way to convey Manius' thoughts, but as a reader I n...
You are certainly a good writer, the intentional slang gives me a headache though. Especially when I know that you can write, so if it was rewritten with proper grammar I would enjoy it. Good insight though, summing up a lifestyle with such a little amount of words.
66.6667% Review Quality (3 Votes)
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