His crooked smile said it best but the words he spoke said it all, "I just glanced in the mirror... Things aren't going so good... I'm looking California and feeling Minnesota." Then he lit up a cigarette taking a drag like there was no tomorrow. I couldn't help but admire the way he held it between his lips. The look in his eyes told me more than the words coming from his mouth. Even the smoke that rose to form a halo around his head of this unsuspecting saint seemed to be sacred. It was the...

Mother, my mother Who never bounced me on her knee Instead who pushed me to the floor Where I lay fallen like a dirty word you spit from your mouth and the shame that follows when in anger you lash out. Mother, my mother She who never loved me Who gave me life so unwillingly Out of selfishness I was born So she could crow, “see what I can do”. Pushed me from her womb early As if she couldn’t bear to have me there any longer. Mother, my mother Whose heart I heard beating from within Drums of a...

I need to find the “lost and found”. Can you point me in the right direction? Through years of diapers and PTA; Laundry, football games, and play-dates I seem to have lost bits and pieces of me along the way. Has anyone seen my sanity? It is nowhere to be found. I swear I left it here yesterday right next to the grocery list. I’ve given up on ever finding my waistline again. I think it’s lost for good. My mind has wandered off again. It’s hard to keep track of it some days. It usually returns...

I am afraid It is who I am I have let it own me for so long My fear has become me. Gnawing on my heart, my very soul Devouring me from the inside out So that now I am an empty shell Afraid to live Afraid to love Afraid to feel Oh so afraid to be For fear of fear Itself Yet I have become It It has claimed me made me the very thing I fear…afraid

He leans in to kiss her, she turns and it lands in that space Between cheek and lips. She smiles to hide the screaming inside. Read her mind and you will hear how she hates this. They dance around each other like clumsy idiots or new dance students stepping on each others toes. They both feel it but dare not say it. To speak it out loud would make it real, give it life. Like water on a parched plant, it would begin to bloom and grow into a reality. He leans in to hold her, she turns, but insi...

I sit here beside you staring out the window, absorbed in my own world. The grey sky and howling wind mirroring my thoughts. I feel all dark and twisty, the emotions inside me like tangled wire hangers or last year's Christmas lights. I have so many secrets wound up inside but I am too tired to care. It would take too much effort to untangle the mess. So, I leave it there willing it to go away. But it doesn't and I feel like I did as a feverish child imagining my head was growing bigger and b...

Captive…I look out at the world. Is there not more to life than this? Trapped in this place I long to be free. I beat my wings upon the bars. No one sees, no one hears. There is more to me than this mask I wear, day in, day out. Don't you see my soul inside, oh longing, aching, wretched soul? Seeking perfection, so deep the desire that I could taste it like a sweet slice of orange in my mouth. Don't you see the loneliness in my eyes, feel pressing upon my heart the hand of God? Such torment.....

My skin is leaking bits and pieces of me. Tears that flow wash away much more than just the pain I feel. I seem to be losing more and more of me each day. My soul has found an opening and is trying to escape too. I feel empty, so empty, with nothing left to give. I am slowly turning inside out.

Girl with the broken smile You can’t do this anymore Empty heart Long empty miles You walk alone along this lonely road Scars on your arms, in your heart You just don’t know what hurt Tomorrow will bring And you just can’t deal with it Not at all How you long to go home Take it all home to the place where the hurt no longer Twists your heart into pieces As you cry on the floor trying to put it back together Home, where you won’t feel so incomplete So empty….a failure Girl with the broken smil...

Subtle I know I should be Though inside I am anything but Delicate I’d give anything to be Instead of clumsily traipsing through days with fear Petite Ha! Is there anything so funny As a girl like me even saying that word? Sublime Perhaps some days But definitely not today Keep going, keep going Finding the word that fits…