The story itself is somewhat interesting. There a few things that need some work. Your choice of language in some places does not lend itself to the time period that the story seems to be set in. For example this line "“I’m so sorry love; I should have been smarter than that.” Perhaps "smarter than that" should be replaced with something more reflective of the times. Another example is "She stiffened, 'All right, I get it. You don’t want to tell me. Fine, I didn’t really care anyway.'” It sou...

I really enjoyed this! It brought back so many memories, although I will admit being that you are a guy, some of the references to Power Rangers and Hulk Hogan didn't apply, lol. I do agree with Willow when she said it would be helpful to know what evoked these memories, to draw the reader into your world a bit more. Otherwise, great job!

First let me say for 17 your work shows incredible potential. I was able to feel your pain and suffering. But, there is some work to be done. The start of the story seems to begin in the present-tense, leading the reader to get the idea that this event is just playing out as they are reading. Then the story changes to past-tense as it unfolds. You need to work on the way it flows, too. There are too many gaps that leave the reader wondering how they got to this point in the story...you reveal...

I could just see the addict in this poem...how sad. This is good, real, and raw. I wouldn't change anything. Keep up the good work.

This story has alot of potential. There are a few things you need to watch, for example there are times when you are repetative like here "I walked out the front door our the center to meet Derrick. I stood outside the door for a moment...". Perhaps you could try "I walked out the front door of the center where Derrick was waiting. As I stood there...". Also, I feel a bit confused as to why this person is in the center and what the story is really about...is it about her mother dying and thei...

Wow, I really felt your history here. I was drawn into what you were saying about who you are...not just who you are today but what your heritage and your past says you are. I admire your use of that to say "who you are". I loved "I feel home calling me, my history...". After years of fighting it, I understand that line. I look forward to reading more of your work.

This poem really affected me. It exactly described how I feel when I am weary of my life, when I feel overwhelmed. Especially the last stanza, "in the heat of noon. the air is still. the well is dry." Nothing more to give...great work!

I must say I am impressed by the quality of this writing considering your young age. I think I would change "suns over horizons", it doesn't flow as nicely as it could. The next line would sound smoother if it were "my feelings of despondency have left me". Other than that, I really like this. It feels like a rebirth of spirit. Good luck!

This I can relate to! I have the same problem, being bipolar II doesn't help either. I love reading poetry I can relate to and this is one of them. The first line is a GREAT visual image, love it. I also think the way you wrap it up with the last lines, how they connect it all together, great imagery. Keep up the good work.

I have mixed feelings about this one. Despite being disgusted by the male dominance in it and feeling the woman's fear (which obviously was the purpose) I did admire the writing itself. It did what it was supposed to do, evoke feelings. I especially like the line, "I had mastery and it tasted like acid in the back of my throat". I also liked how you gave credence to your own understanding that your actions were despicable, "like dung upon gold, like me on top of her". Nice job.