Well, I can't believe I am actually doing this, but I am going to critique this. This line is particularly awkward: "and kissed her clit but still she cried." I find it really forced. I think that it is the "but still". These two words just do not work beside one another in the middle of this line. It says, "I just needed a certain amount of syllables, I'm not looking for anything else". The piece as a whole is really ugly. I don't mean that as a compliment, because you can make ugly very eff...

I like your reference to one-sided conversation, as you are having a one-sided conversation in this piece. I like the lines: "and i’m kickin’ and screaming/but no one is listening". It adds to this sense of one-sidedness. It sort of plays out like lyrics to a song in that way. An emo song specifically (or "pop-punk", whatever you like to call it), apparently they sing about singing, you're kind of doing that. "the music is playing" gives off that feeling. As a poem though, I can't say it is a...

I am really liking this. Although the imagery is not quite smooth, doesn't flow through as one image, it has a linking pattern. The images of "faith", "the fall" and "flesh" seem to allude to religion. You are dealing with "an age" which requires us to lower our hand and take a step back to put the past into retrospect and go from there, rather than blindly interrupting this wisdom by asking too many questions about the future without truly contemplating. And then you bring in a personal mome...

I feel the girl's death and the revealing of the face is too plainly drawn out. This is emotionally driven and has a good idea behind it. I find the whole thing simply too obvious, which makes it quite a bit less poetic than it could be. I'll say it has potential, but that's as much as I get out of it. Also, I would say "Please don't look through me" rather than "see".

This makes ME smile! The rhythm is excellent. The parenthasese actually work quite well. The only part that gets me is, "They all ask each other". I love this line, but I have to question, because of the brackets before it, what it is referring to. Somehow it seems you could fit those elements together in a better way. The last three lines are so wonderfully good.

I find the rhythm too repetitive here. It distracts me from the content. The unnecessary commas do me in. But I do sense there is something underneath it you could pull out.

I find starting new lines for "walls" and then for "voices" to be a bit too awkward, distracting me as I try to read the piece. There are a few images I really like, such as "across the monkey bars, my sockets petrified/in Nebraska’s morning breath." and, "or human transactions,/to slip into the greasy social glove." But over all I am not really feeling the piece. It's vague, and it doesn't all flow, but it does offer a lot of innovative images.

Well, there are no line breaks or new paragraphs, so it sort of runs on a bit in a way that is a little bit tiring. And I think the words "Fairy" and "Pain" are in it enough to become redundant. But I do like the flow of language here, and the dreaminess it holds. But I find the ending too abrupt. Ending are difficult tasks, and I sense that perhaps you tried to take the easy way out by simply ending it where you are. I think this is something with potential but you might come back to it at a...

When Haikus are written about human nature, rather than regular nature, I heard they are called something different, but I can't remember what. I like this. There is something that makes me wonder what is really behind it. The first reading feels like it's this nice poem where you're trying to get closer to someone, but then, the verbage used is somewhat aggressive and almost violent with "shredding" and "cutting". Almost giving this sense, that actually you might know the person or relations...

I like the first and last line, especially the last. But the middle throws me off. Why are you opening doors? It is an interesting take on cleaning supplies. I enjoy the elements of nature you add to it in the first line. This somehow makes the last line really smooth.