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ajanon's profile
AGE:
66
LOC: Oklahoma City, OK
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 16
LOC: Oklahoma City, OK
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 16
Retired and now making an attempt to perfect my poetry and art. I spent many years in Laboratory Medicine and working with intellectually impaired adults. I lived in Australia for 7 years before returning to the U S. I have lived acquiring a life time of experiences in settings ranging from socially acceptable behaviour in the upper middle class to working with and living with street people addicted, afflicted, and desperate. Life is such a cauldron of mismatched experiences, and here lays the meat of my experience.
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5 Reviews
4 Comments
Observing the world from a distance for the past seven years it is apparent things were not going well here at home. Changes made after the 9-11 incident and tragic loss threw the whole world into a chaotic spin it has yet to recover from. I was out of the States on that tragic day in September. I got a call from a friend and he told me the news here in Australia was streaming the disaster as it happened. This was at 10:20 pm in Perth. I watched as the second plane hit tower two. I was shocke...
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Well, you ask for a critique. As poetry goes it is in the opinion of a non academic (me) a wonderfully piece. From the perspective of the Phone Co.s you slander and skin salamanders, as a rant one of the neatest I have come across. Your metaphors and implied discontent, ie; "telephone type of void" and "mistaken representation of Digital happiness" not to mention, "Skinless from the stains of mercy." I don't see you improving anything except you empty glass of wine. Well done, wish I had writ...
All I will tell you is I know who you are. I spent my day in the limbo jungle. Get your credits back if you like but you just wrote the intro to a chapter I have already written. Literally. Thanks and good work.
It is a difficult question, the read is the same for me. Unless your clarifying a subconscious idea to the reader of how the medication is acting! It is a vivid read for me in any case. I at my keyboard can count the gnats floating by. Well done 9 and 9 ratings.
I am impressed with your writing. I cannot find a lot of fault here but then I lack the ability to critically analize. I am wondering about the set of the stanzas and their arriangement. They flow well, the last stanza being set in three lines is my question. If you make it a two line stanza, substituing line 3 for line two. and making another stanza beginning(a last line read), "But im worried." It adds to the concern. Nice poem and I gave it overall a 9 clarity 10 and amuse 8
Consider taking out the last six words of the first line, for me there is no use for them(what kind of play should follow?). If you wish to talk about a chess game, talk about it. Don't confuse me with romance here "I'm no longer a play maker" "only a pawn with knight properties". I have a feeling you do have talent and you do warm hearts and your an incurable romantic. All high marks and necessary for a poet, just keep it simple and to the point you will be fine.
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