ajodom's profile
AGE:
33
LOC: San Diego, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 18
LOC: San Diego, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 18
I usually hate these “write a description of yourself” text boxes. I feel like I’m writing a personal ad, but here goes. I’m a Navy Veteran who has been big fan of Young Adult Novels for as long as I can remember. Originally, I started writing in High School, but put down the craft when I enlisted over ten years ago. I still enjoy it, and want to push the limits of my imagination. I also want to see if I’m any good. After eight years in the Navy, I’m sure I can handle the criticism.
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Chapter 5 Bret decided that he finally wanted to show his face right before I got to take a bite of an awesome club sandwich I had put together. He really needed to work on his timing issues because the way things were going, I wasn’t sure I was going to relax or get any of my homework done. Too be honest, at that point I wasn’t really feeling him, but luckily he actually looked good in athletic clothes. When I opened the door he was empty handed and had a huge smile on his face, ...
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Cinnamon sat at the desk in her room in apprehension, waiting for him to show, and she had no doubt about him showing. He had promised as much two weeks prior and Cinnamon didn’t think there was any chance he would stand her up. He had enjoyed the thought of coming back to see her, and she thought back to what had happened just two weeks earlier, when she was sitting in the exact same place and he showed up uninvited to her bedroom. It was late that Thursday evening and Cinnamon...
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Chapter 3 Friday night came around a lot faster than I would have liked. I had never experienced the end of the week fly by so fast. It might have been because I had purposely kept myself busy. I didn’t want to think too much about what was about to happen, and school work was helping tremendously in that regard. God, I thought my senior year was supposed to be the easiest. Boy was I wrong on that one. I had more homework this week than I could remember getting the entire three years pr...
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THE MIMIC by: A. J. Odom Chapter 1 I know that it is pretty boring to say that it was pretty day around these parts, but it actually was. Nothing beats Downtown San Diego in late May, even though Bret would probably say otherwise. He was a fan of the beach, or anything that allowed him to show off for that matter, but he was not a fan of the crowds at the beach on Memorial Day Weekend. That made it easy to convince him to come Downtown with me at my mother’s request. She had wanted us t...
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Chapter 2 As, I drove home from school, I came to the realization that my first day in a new school wasn’t all bad. Of course, I started the day with low expectations, so the bar was set pretty low. That didn’t stop me from being surprised at how well it went. It wasn’t too hard, but I was expecting it to get a lot tougher. It only being the first day, I didn’t have a lot of homework, which was going to make the rest of my day a lot less stressful. The people weren&rsq...
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This could be good. I'm starting to like the characters, even as I don't know much about them. You might want to develop them a little more in the beginning. I did have some issues with your grammar. There were too many fragments in the writing, and also you didn't start your sentence with capital letters. That is never good. Sometimes, it was hard to tell where one sentenced ended and another began. It also could be that you seem to have a love for the period, as opposed ot most writers who ...
Ok, I'm a fan of this. It's really good. I like the story ideas, and the taking of real myths and using them in a realistic setting. It makes for very good reading. I really want to know more about Nash, as he was the character that interested my the most through out reading this. You've got something good going here. Keep it up.
This was an interesting telling. I get where you were going with it. I'm not sure if you want it to be marketed as it doesn't exactly fit what I've read about how stories and novels should be, that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I assume the one person at the end was the father of the protagonist. The way the memory of him were told is very powerful and well written. I don't have much here to nitpick about. The grammar was good, and you did a really good job of staying in the present tense, s...
Since I haven't read all of the previous chapters, I'll review on mechanics as you requested. You dialogue is very well written and is easy to follow. There are a few errors that I would like to point out: "That had taken him aback. He had not expected her to wonder about that but could understand in away why she was asking him." Away in this particular sentence should actually be "a way" (two words). "His features were smooth, less harsh that his father’s square chin. His hazelnut eyes were ...
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