albamuth's profile
AGE:
32
LOC: Chicago, IL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 24
LOC: Chicago, IL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 24
I have a blog: www.carlgoldenberg.com
About me:
I enjoy writing science fiction, but I’m concerned with the lack of serious literature in the sci-fi genre. I also hate the way fiction writers use the word ”genre” so disdainfully. There’s good literature to be found everywhere.
I’ll review short stories, nonfiction, scifi/fantasy, and maybe some other genres. I won’t review poetry or lyrics – I just don’t have much expertise with either.
My review format:
- questions I have while reading
- questions I have after reading
- things that worked well
- suggestions for rewrite
- critique
I’ve noticed a lot of short, rather general reviews so far on this site – I aim to change that by example.
Items
Version 1
6 Reviews
2 Comments
The day was hot – unrelenting heat that made Barry drink two gallons of water without pissing. He had a pickup at Avenue Talent, and he pushed himself to get there early, so he might bask in the air-conditioning while the receptionist got the package together. He imagined the trail of sweat behind his bike, visible from the air, making a scribble pattern across the city like a three-year-old's drawing. Barry got to the building, took two stairs at a time up two flights, and rushed to the doo...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
12 Reviews
5 Comments
Teddie Goldenberg 4391 words Deuce opened the door to the bar and pulled it shut quickly behind him. He pulled off his gloves, his hat, his balaclava, his glove liners, unwound his scarf, unzipped his outer coat, swung his messenger bag around with a twitch of his shoulder, and stuffed all the loose gear in his bag. His hands felt like there was too much blood in them - about to explode - so he flexed them while his eyes adjusted to the darkened room. “You gotta tip the dancer for a stamp,” s...
Ratings & Rankings
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Reviews
Questions that came to me AS I READ: (key: Qp3p2 means Question for page 3 paragraph 2 - each page is 300 words, I think; sometimes I lose count of the paragraphs and just write Q: ) Qp1p1: Where does the wine glass shatter? How big is the room? What does this man look like? (all we've seen are his lips, so far) What is he wearing? Qp1p2: The smoke is in the image in the mirror or outside? What color? What does the girl look like? Qp1p3: Is the cousin there? Where are they in relation to this...
100.0% Review Quality (4 Votes)
Questions I have while I read: (key: Qp1p3 means Question for paragraph 1, page 3) Qp1p1: I pictured a modern water-park at first, but it sounds like this is an actual hill with some sort of slide built into it - can you describe the set-up? Are there tubes curling around in crazy patterns or just a straight slide? Or is it just a ditch with mud in it? Q: What's at the bottom of the hill? Q: What's "trucker talk," exactly? What was he tempted to say? Q: What do his friends look like? Are they...
Questions I have while reading: (key: Qp2p4 means question for page 2 paragraph 4, "S" means suggestion) Qp1p1: "much younger" is relative - how young? toddler? teenager? What is Union City like? How does it contrast to Chicago, in the young narrator's eyes? Qp1p2: How small is the house? How many bedrooms? How does it compare to the narrator's house? Qp1p3: How does the narrator know about these events? At first it sounds like he/she is in the room with them as they sleep, or overhearing thi...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Questions/Suggestions Occurring to Me As I Read: (key: Qp3p5 means question page 3 paragraph 5, S means suggestions) Qp1p4: What do the "remains" look like? Why is it too close to the border? Has the border changed? Why a "superb" collection of craters? "Pitch black" - overcast? Sp1p5: "were I human again" - this sentence is confusing and long; try breaking the ideas into shorter declarations. Qp1p7: "Battle Drone" - the word "drone" implies that it's an autonomous device - is the narrator a ...
Questions/Suggestions I have While I read: (key: Qp2p4 means "question for page 2, paragraph 4") Qp1p1: "jolted back to the world of responsibilities" - is work not a responsibility? What is this work? Qp1p2: What does the vision of Mark look like? Sp1p2: The second sentence is confusing. Qp1p3: "adjusting his eyes" - is there a device or technology that allows him to do this consciously / manually? Or did you mean "his eyes adjusted"? Qp1p4: Where is the sound of the dogs coming from? (close...
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